This past Saturday, Michelle and I went out to take pictures of ourselves wearing my jewelry so I could show potential buyers what it looked like on. It was a beautiful day and we had a lot of fun! Here are some of the best shots. Enjoy! P.S., if you are not yet a follower of my Jewelry blog, you should be! The link is here.

Spring Break!

So, I know it's a little late, but let me tell you about my spring break! It was way fun. I went with my brother and his friend Mike and his family. We stayed with Mike's family in Suisun, California. I left Cedar Tuesday around 3:00 for Orem, then we left Orem around 7:00ish. We arrived in Suisun around 5:00 am, CA time. I felt pretty crusty, but it wasn't all that bad really. I didn't get sick which surprised me a lot.

Wednesday, after sleeping for 5-6 hours, we went to a Mongolian Barbecue for lunch. It was very good! Mike and Amy's little Sophie sat with me for some of the time, and the server lady loved her (which was not an uncommon occurrence throughout the trip) and gave her a lemon to play with. But Sophie bit into it, and me, being something of a tease, wanted to see what to happen if she ate some. Her face was priceless! She kept eating it too, which was funny. The lady brought out pummello which is sweet grapefruit basically, and she still ate the lemon. Too funny! She made a huge mess, and I smelled very citrusy. The rest of the day we just chilled at the house and made plans for the next day.

On Thursday, we went to San Francisco! It was super cool. First, we went to Chinatown.




That's me and Carl at the entrance. Here are a couple sights from the stores:





I was carrying Sophie for the first little while, and she would look in at the stores and say "ooh" and "whoa" in her little baby voice. Too cute. Here's a picture of her and Carl doing a little walking:



And Emma, Sophie's cousin, wanted a picture too:



I enjoyed going through all the stores and looking at the wares. If I had my own house, I could have bought a lot of great stuff to make a "zen" house, as I like to call it. I have designed one on the Sim's before and am quite fond of it. Anyway, Sophie had fun in the stores too:



After Chinatown, we made our way to Lombard Street. It was terrifying! Here's a picture of it, but I didn't take it. Well, hopefully the link works anyway: here

Then we went to Ghiradelli Square. It was really pretty and nice, and chocolaty. It's one of those places I would have gotten more out of it I had money and a shopping buddy, but it was neat still. Here's a fountain there:



Then we went to Pier 39. Mostly there was just shopping, so I didn't do a whole lot, but there was a funny magician too and good food, and great views of the Bay. Here's are some pictures from it:








Then we drove home over the Golden Gate Bridge and stopped at the park by it. Here are a few pix:







That concluded the day's adventures. On Friday we went to the outlet mall, which had a bunch of awesome stores like Gucci, Coach, and more, but mostly we went into the baby stores. Which I actually thought was fun. I would have shopped more if I'd had money. Next time I will definitely be saving up beforehand!

On Saturday we went to Walnut Creek, which is a very classy and lovely shopping area. We ate at a fun little diner and looked at a couple stores. That night we also watched New Moon. I vowed never to watch it again, telling myself I didn't like it, but the truth is, I did like it a lot and knew if I watched it again I would want to watch it over and over and over. So, last night I bought it and watched it. Shame on me. Anyway, picture of Walnut Creek, not my own: here

Sunday we went to church and then went to the military base to gas up, at which point I left my purse in the restaurant joining the station. Despite the fact that we left a sippie cup there and thought about turning back to get it, and I thought about charging my iPod but didn't, it remained there. I didn't realize I had left it until Reno, 3 hours away. Amy made some calls to try to find it, to no avail. So I called my mom and had her cancel my debit card. That was kind of a downer, but the trip home was still pretty good until the last 45ish miles. But we made it home safely. I stayed at Carl's apartment that night, much to the confusion of his roommate who saw me, and drove home Monday morning. Carl was very kind and filled my car up, gave me some cash and his credit card. Tuesday I went to T-Mobile and bought a new sim card, and am borrowing a phone form the store until my contract ends April 8.

This weekend, I went on another photo adventure. My best shots of the day can be found here: here

That's all for now! Oh, and check out my new blog that's all about making jewelry!

Overcoming "Blah"

Double dip this week! I posted last night also, not that anyone actually reads my blog, but yes, I am in a writing sort of mood I guess.

This week has been rather interesting for me. Well, it started before this week, actually. You know how there are those times in life we go through where we feel kind of blah about life, and just blah in general? Not really depressed, but not enthusiastic either. Well, maybe this phenomenon is unfamiliar to you, but this does happen to me every so often. For some time, I have been, or rather had been, feeling blah about things. I felt blah about my social life, about school, about playing the violin, about going to church, etc. Not to mention that due to some reason that is still somewhat mysterious to me, I don't feel well a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong, I still did all the things I felt blah about as long as I was feeling decent, but I got minimum enjoyment from it.

So, being somewhat familiar with myself and the blahs I was falling into, I decided I needed to do something to feel un-blah. So first, I started reading a series of books called The Kingdom And The Crown. These books are about the life of Christ, and about the lives of the people he touched. It is fictional, but tasteful. So anyway, I started reading this trilogy in about September and and just now about to finish it. I did this because I knew that the blahs come primarily from a shrinkage of my testimony of the Savior.

This did help, but I still was feeling kind of blah, so I decided I needed a hobby. So I bought a new camera and made a Flickr account . Instant hobby, pretty much. It has definitelky been fun to capture the beauty around me, be more observant of the beauty around me, and think of ways to express myself through photography. The other hobby I took up was jewelry making, which I love. Unfortunately, I cost me and my mom lots of money over this hobby and I am now looking for a way to make money off of it, ha ha. But it really is a great stress reliever. I think any time we create it relieves stress.

Anyway, after doing these things, I was still feeling a little blah. But with a new year and a new semester I felt I had a fresh chance to infuse my life with a little enthusiasm. So I have made more efforts to get homework done, go to bed at a decent hour, and go to class. This has certainly helped, and I am excited about learning again, whereas before I was blah about learning.

However, I still wasn't totally over feeling blah. So I read my patriarchial blessing. It reminded me of who I am and who I can become and gave me direction and helped me feel more enthusiasm and light. But still, I had not totally kicked the blah feeling.

So I started the Book of Mormon over. This has been a great spiritual helper, and helped me further in feeling better. Then, what do you know, I had a date! I was feeling pretty good about things. Then I decided to make more effort to get more out of church, and I felt even better. Then, I wrote up a great musical Easter program for my ward choir. I carefully thought about what would be of most value for the congregation to hear, and what we could technically get ready in time. I felt really good about it, and I went to church and asked for choir practice to be announced, just to learn the bishopric had decided to cancel the program due to a lack of time to prepare for it. I felt rather let down and wondered if I had done something wrong. You see, while I was feeling blah, I didn't put as much effort into my calling as I should have, and I knew it. So I was feeling like this would be a good way to semi make up for what I had been lacking. When the program was cancelled, I wondered, and still kind of do, if because of my previous lack of enthusiasm, my bishop had decided I wouldn't be able to do the project well enough. Then I was having some stress with school and with my social life so I started feeling frustrated. But with some help from a good friend, I figured out that what mattered was that I had tried. So I shook off all my feelings of woe is me, and now have a renewed determination to do things right.

Then the other night, I had a weird train of thought that maybe only I would have. You see, due to my renewed enthusiasm for learning, I had become very excited about playing my violin again to a point where I didn't know if I would be able to give it up if I had to for some reason. I thought, what if I was called to serve a mission and I couldn't take it with me? Could I do it? And after a lot of thought, I knew that though it would be hard, I would be able to give it up it I was asked to.

Then I had the great opportunity to play my violin (3 times) at stake conference. I remembered how wonderful it was to be able to use my talent to serve, to uplift. I found myself hoping that my little performance (with my friend and the choir) would somehow help someone learn something or overcome something. Then I found myself wishing I had more opportunities to play for church functions, and trying to figure how to be able to play more, and so on and so forth.

Aside from playing the violin, I felt the spirit very strongly at conference. I can't say that I learned anything groundbreaking or that the heavens opened, but I did receive a sort of affirmation that all the things I had been thinking and feeling were right and true and to keep going forward with them. "Shall we not go forward in so great a cause?"

Blahs over.

An Update, Plus Things I Love

I know it has been a long while since I last posted, so let me give you a quick run down of my life. These events are more or less in chronological order.

I saw a good friend start giving up on the good things in life until I didn't know how to help, and it broke my heart and still does, though I still see them.

I spent a lovely holiday with my family and gained a renewed love for them. For some reason I can't post pictures on my blog, so I can't show you the ones I took of them. But I love spending time with them and I am so grateful I can be with them forever.

I played my violin for Shalani, who played the violin for Avatar. I saw Avatar. I liked playing for Shalani a lot more than I liked the movie.

I went on a couple fun photographical adventures and had a great time escaping from the world and catching beauty on my camera. If you would like to see those pictures, go to

I got my graduation papers in. I am graduating this spring, though I have a math class to finish this summer. I am very excited to be done with school!

I went on a really fun date that had a really really great time. So far that's all that has happened with that, and as usual, I am planning on nothing else happening, and failing to make the hope that something will happen go away. Now don't get too far ahead of me, my "something else" entails further contact, hopefully a second date, and that's as far as my unkillable hopes go.

My best friend I ever had became engaged. It is very bittersweet for me. Mostly because I am selfish and don't like feeling left behind, and I don't want to lose one of the most amazing friendships I ever had. But I am very happy for her. It also makes me sad because the last time I saw her was a year ago, which is far too long.

I am playing in a quintet with some other musicians that aren't music majors (one isn't even a student)and it is awesome! We sure make good music. We are working on the Shostakovich quintet. Watch this, be amazed.

Those are the highlights of my life. I know, nothing super exciting, but it is good.

Now for the second part of my blog, let me do a little explaining. Just for fun, I decided to make a list of all kinds of things about me. I won't put up the whole essay right now, but here is a list of things of love, or in other words, things that make me very happy. (Please don't read it and think that my priorities are mixed up because I said I love all these things. We all know love has varying degrees and many meanings.)

I love:

Fish, barren deserts, unhealthy baked goods, banana chairs, my big squishy pillow, good music, the violin, my violin Joshua James, teaching violin, modern art, surrealist art, night, sleeping in my underwear :p, trees, photography, shoes, my family, the smell of rain and mountains, the smell of cologne, my bed, the Gospel, water, the scriptures, playing in string quartets or other small ensembles where I alone play my part, my Savior, pomegranates, adventures, flowers, choosing for myself except when I don't want to, adventures, purple, being treated like a lady, cats, connecting moments with people or art, the sky, springtime, feeling like a little girl, creating, Eric Whitacre, Tchaikovsky, Bach, Ysaye, Joshua Bell, depressing music, order and logic when not related to recognized art forms, dreamatic, unbelievable love stories, and life in general.

The end. (For now)

Things on my mind

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my grandpa Jackman. I miss him actually. He died when I was 6, kind of tragically. I don’t really know all the details, but from what I understand he was depressed and became an alcoholic and died from liver problems. I don’t really know exactly if that’s right, I have never asked anyone outright, so that’s just what I’ve picked up here and there. But that’s not the point.
I loved my grandpa. My mom tells me I was really shy around him and then to get me to warm up to him, he would hide a candy bar in his shirt pocket and pull it out and tease me with it. I don’t remember that, but I do remember other things about him. After dinner, we would always have watermelon when we went to his house. This was more special for my brother I think, but I loved it too. We all had watermelon time nicknames. I know someone’s was Clementine Kadiddlehopper, and I think I may have been mine. Someone else’s was Arigimatortis Asortafortus. That, I am quite certain, was either Carl’s or my grandpa’s. Don’t really know. I don’t know where they came from, but it was always fun.
The other thing about my grandpa that I remember well was that he would get up very early to feed the birds. This always intrigued me. One morning I got up and saw him out by the tree where the feeder was, right there with the birds. I was sitting at the table just inside the screen door, and he beckoned me to go out with him. When I did, the birds kind of flew away for a second, but they came right back. I sat on the porch and watched how unafraid of him they were. If I remember right, a couple would sit on his finger, but that may have been my child’s imagination. Either way, those birds did not fear him. I always remember how gentle he was. I don’t think I remember him well or really did a lot with him, but I sure did love him.
What I don’t understand exactly is why I think about him a lot lately. But I do have a couple theories. One is that I crave having someone male to talk to. I have male friends I can talk to, but that never works out well for me. I have my dad, but I couldn’t really talk to him, but I do love him dearly. Sometimes I picture me at my grandma and grandpa’s house, sitting at their kitchen table, just talking to him about life. I don’t know if that’s something that ever would have happened if he had lived, but it is sure a good scene in my imagination.
My other theory, though related, and what everything really comes down to, is that I just feel like something is missing, and I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is. I keep hearing about people dying or moving or whatever, and some of them are people I hardly know, but every time, it makes me feel that hole in my heart that’s almost always there. Like the landlord’s twin brother moved out of the house, and I talked to him maybe three times, but I really feel a sense of loss with him leaving. And the lady that worked at the front desk of the place I have taken my care to be fixed a couple times died of an aneurism. She was so young. I hardly dealt with her, but still, I feel a sense of loss. And sometimes I think those things happening just remind me of the part of my life, whatever it is, that seems to be missing. And I wonder if missing my grandpa is just me trying to find a way to fill that void.
On a seemingly unrelated but similar note, I don’t think I will go anywhere after I graduate school this year. I may have one class to take next year, but I still consider myself done. Anyway, my body is totally burned out right now, so I think I will just stick around for a year and teach violin and save money, and maybe even take piano and guitar lessons like I have always wanted to. After that, maybe grad school if I am feeling up to it, maybe a mission, though that seems less likely, or maybe I will just stay here and teach for a while, I just really don’t know. But that’s looking quite far into the future; I will try to stick to looking one year down the road for the time being.
Well, there are the thoughts I have been thinking recently.
Goodnight!

Moments

Well, this is kind of a random blog. I just have a couple things I wanted to write about, so here goes!

The other night, or morning I guess, I had a really interesting dream. Those of you who know me well know that sometimes I have dreams that seem so real that it takes me several hours, or sometimes even days, to shake them off. In this particular dream, I was at school, in a class with a girl I knew from the class, and there was a bombing or something like that. I got panicked because I knew I had a friend in the part of campus that got hit, and so did the girl in my class. I hadn't talked to this friend in a long time and I had a horrible sinking feeling. What if they died and I hadn't done anything for them in their life? Anyway, all the students were taken somewhere (don't know where it was. Somewhere safe I suppose) until they knew campus was safe. The whole time I was worried about my friend. Finally some firemen told us that campus was safe now, but a lot of people died or had been disfigured. They told us where we could find people who had been killed because for some reason they couldn't identify them.

I went to the building with my friend. The scene was awful. To skip all the gross details, I was looking for my friend, sure I would find them among the dead. My classmate found someone she knew and that made me panic even more. My dread kept getting more and more serious, then I looked down the hallway, and there was my friend walking towards me. He was rather seriously hurt, but not dead! I was so happy to see him, I ran to him and gave him a huge hug and cried really hard (for real too, not just in my dream). The relief I felt was indescribable.

The really strange part about this dream is that the friend who was in the dream has been struggling, and I think it was an awakening to get my to help them. I was really glad it happened. It made me realize the responsibility I have as a friend.

Anyway, now you know the weird depths of me. Well, of my dreams at least.

So, today I had a pretty normal day. I found out that I had been volunteered for a few things that made my life a little bit more stressful, but nothing too awful. When I got home from teaching, I was figuring out some money stuff since I got paid this week, and I realized I would have enough to pay rent in advance. I was pretty excited. Then I went to look at my bank account online, only to find that I had forgotten about some things I bought and my account was way in the negative numbers (mostly thanks to the fact that the bank loves me so much and loves to charge me fees that are 5x what I overdrafted). The worst part was because of a purchase I made at the end of last month that went onto the wrong bank account, it was the second time it had happened. My mom helped me out the first time, and I was dreading telling her that I needed help again, for being a complete moron with money. So I called her up and told her I needed help. She asked what I needed, and before I could fully explain my predicament, I just started bawling. So she said she would come over to my apartment.

I cried the whole time she was driving here because I was so frustrated for being so irresponsible, and for letting her down and making her give me money. But when she got to my place, she gave me a hug and told me it would be ok. Then she got on my computer and gave me what I needed and helped me figure out my money stuff. Then she took me out to dinner and we just talked. She was so nice to me and made me feel so loved. I will never be able to repay her. I have the best mom in the world. http://heatherraesmusings.blogspot.com/2008/12/few-end-of-semester-thoughts.html This link goes into more detail of the thoughts I had about it today.

Lastly, I have been getting to know one of my roommates better the last few days. I knew Emilie (obviously) and Sam already, but me and Tina found we had some common frustrations, and talking about those opened up a friendship between us. I feel like myself around her now, which is how I know I have made a real friend. It's actually really hard for me to make real friends to the point where I feel like myself around them. So I am glad to have had the opportunity to get to know her.

That's all.
(Hee hee, I got that from The Devil Wears Prada, by the way.)

Senior Pictures

Well, not much of note has happened since the last time I blogged. I have gone to school, gotten some new violin students, met my neighbors, gotten sick a few times (actually, I'm starting to wonder if I was ever better!), and laughed a lot at unreasonable hours of the morning. But this last weekend, I got to go on some adventures with my friend and get some pictures for my senior recital poster. They turned out really good! It was fun having people ask what I was doing, or just giving me weird looks (or stares in a couple cases). What can I say, when I am expecting attention I rather enjoy it! (On the converse, if I am not prepared for it, I hate it.)

Anyway, here are some of my favorite shots and edits.

















Some of them I obviously won't use for my poster, but they were just fun shots. It's a good thing I have until late March to pick the ones I will use, because I like so many of them! Gotta narrow it down to 4.

Well that's all for now. Bye bye!