Yes, it's true. Only one week left of classes and one week of finals this semester. I hope you are all rooting for me, because it's gonna be hard. Mostly because every bit of me gave up before the Thanksgiving break so I am VERY behind. But I am gonna make it through the next couple weeks, and then maybe I will have adjusted to my new life. Yes, it's a new life. Everything is different now. But don't worry friends, I will come to grips with it and come out on top.
Today during Sunday school I was reading for institute. (I have Sunday school ADD, so I gave up on trying to pay attention.) I found a couple scripture that made me think. The first (Not numerically, but I don't want to end on it) is in D&C 76:29
"Wherefore, he [Satan] maketh war with the saints of God, and encompasseth them round about."
In the past few months I have really begun to understand what this means. There are all the trials happening because of Proposition 8, and other things going on in the world, but I have come to see it on a more personal note too. So my though was this. We have to keep fighting. Because we are in a war against the adversary and it isn't ever going to get easier. But if we continue fighting, we will "overcome all things" and witness God "subdue all enemies under his feet. (D&C 76:60-61) So don't give up! Keep fighting.
The next thought came from reading D&C 76:10.
"For by my Spirit will I enlighten them, and by my power will I make known unto them the secrets of my will. . ."
This was comforting because lately I have felt like God's will for me is a secret. There are things I know I should be doing, and others I am at a total loss to figure out. But I am a begotten daughter of God (D&C 76:24) and he will not leave me alone and if I seek to know His will for me, he will let me know.
And to bring both these thoughts to a close, read D&C 76:2-
"Great is his wisdom, marvelous are his ways, and the extent of his doing none can find out. His purposes fail not, neither are there any who can stay his hand. From eternity to eternity he is the same, and his years never fail."
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
How I got to where I am.
I wouldn't be who I am today without the influence of several people. There have been a few key people in my life who have made me who I am today. So here is an abbreviated story of how I became me with the help of other people (focusing on the positive things).
The first people who have helped me have obviously been my parents. My dad throughout his life has been an example to me of keeping faith no matter how hard life gets. He has suffered more than most people I know throughout his whole life and he is one of the most faithful people I have ever come across. My mom has shown me the same thing, because being his wife naturally means she has endured a lot. She has also shown me how to be a strong, happy, independent woman. And how to surround yourself with the things you love so you can always be happy. And she has always been my best friend when I needed one the most. And she always knows what I am going through and exactly what I need to hear, and though sometimes I did not want to hear her unbiased opinions, they were always wise.
The next person who helped me grow into myself was Becky. She was an amazing young women's leader and a great friend to me. She was the one who helped me realize that I am a beautiful, unique daughter of God. Even though I felt like an awkward, homely teenager, she always treated me like I was something special and listened to my stupid teenage dramas. She also taught me important lessons about the Atonement and repentance that have stuck with me.
At the same time as Becky was her husband who was my bishop, and is now my home ward stake president. He always called me his friend and still does, and I could see in his eyes how much he truly loved me in his. It was from his example that I knew how much the Savior loved me and that I am precious to Him. I have always thought that the Savior's eyes would look just the same as this man's.
Next in line was my friend Nia and our whole group of friends our junior year in High School. But Nia especially helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life and taught me how to have fun. She helped me discover who I was and how I fit in with other people.
Next would have had to be Jonny. Although dating him was not one of the smartest things I have ever done in my life, he taught me a lot. He helped me understand that so many of the things I feared were "all in my head" and I could do anything I wanted if I set my mind to it. There are things I am doing now that I really would not have dared to had he not so gently let me know how dumb some of the things that were holding me back really were. He also helped me have the courage to move out and become independent. It was really not until after I dated him that I really figured out who I was.
Next were my amazing roommates. They all instantly accepted me into their circle and we always had a blast! We had some really rough times, but we always got through them and supported each other. Mandy and Megan were always incredible examples of trusting in the Lord. They had a way of knowing what He wanted for them and doing that without question. It always impressed me. And Megan would always listen to my worries and help me figure out what to do about them, from homework to boys to violin stuff. And she still listens and helps me.
The most recent has already had an entire posting to himself, so I won't dwell on that. And I suppose that when I look back on that I will discover even more things that I learned from him.
The first people who have helped me have obviously been my parents. My dad throughout his life has been an example to me of keeping faith no matter how hard life gets. He has suffered more than most people I know throughout his whole life and he is one of the most faithful people I have ever come across. My mom has shown me the same thing, because being his wife naturally means she has endured a lot. She has also shown me how to be a strong, happy, independent woman. And how to surround yourself with the things you love so you can always be happy. And she has always been my best friend when I needed one the most. And she always knows what I am going through and exactly what I need to hear, and though sometimes I did not want to hear her unbiased opinions, they were always wise.
The next person who helped me grow into myself was Becky. She was an amazing young women's leader and a great friend to me. She was the one who helped me realize that I am a beautiful, unique daughter of God. Even though I felt like an awkward, homely teenager, she always treated me like I was something special and listened to my stupid teenage dramas. She also taught me important lessons about the Atonement and repentance that have stuck with me.
At the same time as Becky was her husband who was my bishop, and is now my home ward stake president. He always called me his friend and still does, and I could see in his eyes how much he truly loved me in his. It was from his example that I knew how much the Savior loved me and that I am precious to Him. I have always thought that the Savior's eyes would look just the same as this man's.
Next in line was my friend Nia and our whole group of friends our junior year in High School. But Nia especially helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life and taught me how to have fun. She helped me discover who I was and how I fit in with other people.
Next would have had to be Jonny. Although dating him was not one of the smartest things I have ever done in my life, he taught me a lot. He helped me understand that so many of the things I feared were "all in my head" and I could do anything I wanted if I set my mind to it. There are things I am doing now that I really would not have dared to had he not so gently let me know how dumb some of the things that were holding me back really were. He also helped me have the courage to move out and become independent. It was really not until after I dated him that I really figured out who I was.
Next were my amazing roommates. They all instantly accepted me into their circle and we always had a blast! We had some really rough times, but we always got through them and supported each other. Mandy and Megan were always incredible examples of trusting in the Lord. They had a way of knowing what He wanted for them and doing that without question. It always impressed me. And Megan would always listen to my worries and help me figure out what to do about them, from homework to boys to violin stuff. And she still listens and helps me.
The most recent has already had an entire posting to himself, so I won't dwell on that. And I suppose that when I look back on that I will discover even more things that I learned from him.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
This is the question.
What in the world am I gonna do with myself now? I had a plan but it got changed against my will. Because it involved somebody else and they decided it wasn't right for me. But what if it was? The more I think about it, the more I realize their reasons for it not being right for me don't hold up. Because I would have done anything for him and gone through everything and been there for him and I know he is worth it and I know I would have been happy. I guess it wasn't just him I loved either, but everything that came from being with him. Everything that I had always loved meant so much more to me with him, and I was opened up to things I never really had imagined I could have. I know I will always enjoy those things, and I know I will find someone else I can be happy with, but what if I want all those things I had been planning on? It seemed like it was meant to be. Everything seemed to make perfect sense, from how I came to meet them and become interested in him to how our future plans seemed to mesh. I truly can't imagine being any happier with anyone else. But he doesn't agree and I don't think he will to listen to me. So I guess I have to move on and keep enjoying the things that make me happy and keep hoping for someone else who can make me as happy as he did. Which sucks. But it seems like that's just how it is.
But what really gets me is I am afraid this person is going to give up their hope for their own personal happiness. And that would really break my heart. In fact, I think one of the real reasons they left me was because they had lost hope. Lost hope that he could deserve to be happy. And since I was a part of him being happy he gave me up too. I don't know if that's true, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I just hope the best for him and I hope he comes to realize how much he really is worth. Maybe one day he will see himself as I see him.
On a happy note, I had a fantastic Thanksgiving and am truly enjoying spending time with my family. I have been very blessed with a great family who loves me and wants me to be happy. And I have great friends who have helped me to at least get to a point where I don't cry all the time, which is a huge leap. So thank you to everyone who has always been there for me!
But what really gets me is I am afraid this person is going to give up their hope for their own personal happiness. And that would really break my heart. In fact, I think one of the real reasons they left me was because they had lost hope. Lost hope that he could deserve to be happy. And since I was a part of him being happy he gave me up too. I don't know if that's true, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I just hope the best for him and I hope he comes to realize how much he really is worth. Maybe one day he will see himself as I see him.
On a happy note, I had a fantastic Thanksgiving and am truly enjoying spending time with my family. I have been very blessed with a great family who loves me and wants me to be happy. And I have great friends who have helped me to at least get to a point where I don't cry all the time, which is a huge leap. So thank you to everyone who has always been there for me!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Beauty
I decided to make this blog because I have a lot of ideas that float around my head and I never write them down, and I hate writing in journals because it takes FOREVER! So, I thought this might be a good idea.
Today I was thinking about how beautiful life is. There are so many things to learn and to enjoy. It truly amazes me all the beauty I see and experience every day. It reminds how loved I am by my Father in Heaven and how much he really wants me to be happy. He wants me to be happy and he knows what will make me happy and he leads me to it.
That's all for now.
Today I was thinking about how beautiful life is. There are so many things to learn and to enjoy. It truly amazes me all the beauty I see and experience every day. It reminds how loved I am by my Father in Heaven and how much he really wants me to be happy. He wants me to be happy and he knows what will make me happy and he leads me to it.
That's all for now.
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