Overcoming "Blah"

Double dip this week! I posted last night also, not that anyone actually reads my blog, but yes, I am in a writing sort of mood I guess.

This week has been rather interesting for me. Well, it started before this week, actually. You know how there are those times in life we go through where we feel kind of blah about life, and just blah in general? Not really depressed, but not enthusiastic either. Well, maybe this phenomenon is unfamiliar to you, but this does happen to me every so often. For some time, I have been, or rather had been, feeling blah about things. I felt blah about my social life, about school, about playing the violin, about going to church, etc. Not to mention that due to some reason that is still somewhat mysterious to me, I don't feel well a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong, I still did all the things I felt blah about as long as I was feeling decent, but I got minimum enjoyment from it.

So, being somewhat familiar with myself and the blahs I was falling into, I decided I needed to do something to feel un-blah. So first, I started reading a series of books called The Kingdom And The Crown. These books are about the life of Christ, and about the lives of the people he touched. It is fictional, but tasteful. So anyway, I started reading this trilogy in about September and and just now about to finish it. I did this because I knew that the blahs come primarily from a shrinkage of my testimony of the Savior.

This did help, but I still was feeling kind of blah, so I decided I needed a hobby. So I bought a new camera and made a Flickr account . Instant hobby, pretty much. It has definitelky been fun to capture the beauty around me, be more observant of the beauty around me, and think of ways to express myself through photography. The other hobby I took up was jewelry making, which I love. Unfortunately, I cost me and my mom lots of money over this hobby and I am now looking for a way to make money off of it, ha ha. But it really is a great stress reliever. I think any time we create it relieves stress.

Anyway, after doing these things, I was still feeling a little blah. But with a new year and a new semester I felt I had a fresh chance to infuse my life with a little enthusiasm. So I have made more efforts to get homework done, go to bed at a decent hour, and go to class. This has certainly helped, and I am excited about learning again, whereas before I was blah about learning.

However, I still wasn't totally over feeling blah. So I read my patriarchial blessing. It reminded me of who I am and who I can become and gave me direction and helped me feel more enthusiasm and light. But still, I had not totally kicked the blah feeling.

So I started the Book of Mormon over. This has been a great spiritual helper, and helped me further in feeling better. Then, what do you know, I had a date! I was feeling pretty good about things. Then I decided to make more effort to get more out of church, and I felt even better. Then, I wrote up a great musical Easter program for my ward choir. I carefully thought about what would be of most value for the congregation to hear, and what we could technically get ready in time. I felt really good about it, and I went to church and asked for choir practice to be announced, just to learn the bishopric had decided to cancel the program due to a lack of time to prepare for it. I felt rather let down and wondered if I had done something wrong. You see, while I was feeling blah, I didn't put as much effort into my calling as I should have, and I knew it. So I was feeling like this would be a good way to semi make up for what I had been lacking. When the program was cancelled, I wondered, and still kind of do, if because of my previous lack of enthusiasm, my bishop had decided I wouldn't be able to do the project well enough. Then I was having some stress with school and with my social life so I started feeling frustrated. But with some help from a good friend, I figured out that what mattered was that I had tried. So I shook off all my feelings of woe is me, and now have a renewed determination to do things right.

Then the other night, I had a weird train of thought that maybe only I would have. You see, due to my renewed enthusiasm for learning, I had become very excited about playing my violin again to a point where I didn't know if I would be able to give it up if I had to for some reason. I thought, what if I was called to serve a mission and I couldn't take it with me? Could I do it? And after a lot of thought, I knew that though it would be hard, I would be able to give it up it I was asked to.

Then I had the great opportunity to play my violin (3 times) at stake conference. I remembered how wonderful it was to be able to use my talent to serve, to uplift. I found myself hoping that my little performance (with my friend and the choir) would somehow help someone learn something or overcome something. Then I found myself wishing I had more opportunities to play for church functions, and trying to figure how to be able to play more, and so on and so forth.

Aside from playing the violin, I felt the spirit very strongly at conference. I can't say that I learned anything groundbreaking or that the heavens opened, but I did receive a sort of affirmation that all the things I had been thinking and feeling were right and true and to keep going forward with them. "Shall we not go forward in so great a cause?"

Blahs over.

An Update, Plus Things I Love

I know it has been a long while since I last posted, so let me give you a quick run down of my life. These events are more or less in chronological order.

I saw a good friend start giving up on the good things in life until I didn't know how to help, and it broke my heart and still does, though I still see them.

I spent a lovely holiday with my family and gained a renewed love for them. For some reason I can't post pictures on my blog, so I can't show you the ones I took of them. But I love spending time with them and I am so grateful I can be with them forever.

I played my violin for Shalani, who played the violin for Avatar. I saw Avatar. I liked playing for Shalani a lot more than I liked the movie.

I went on a couple fun photographical adventures and had a great time escaping from the world and catching beauty on my camera. If you would like to see those pictures, go to

I got my graduation papers in. I am graduating this spring, though I have a math class to finish this summer. I am very excited to be done with school!

I went on a really fun date that had a really really great time. So far that's all that has happened with that, and as usual, I am planning on nothing else happening, and failing to make the hope that something will happen go away. Now don't get too far ahead of me, my "something else" entails further contact, hopefully a second date, and that's as far as my unkillable hopes go.

My best friend I ever had became engaged. It is very bittersweet for me. Mostly because I am selfish and don't like feeling left behind, and I don't want to lose one of the most amazing friendships I ever had. But I am very happy for her. It also makes me sad because the last time I saw her was a year ago, which is far too long.

I am playing in a quintet with some other musicians that aren't music majors (one isn't even a student)and it is awesome! We sure make good music. We are working on the Shostakovich quintet. Watch this, be amazed.

Those are the highlights of my life. I know, nothing super exciting, but it is good.

Now for the second part of my blog, let me do a little explaining. Just for fun, I decided to make a list of all kinds of things about me. I won't put up the whole essay right now, but here is a list of things of love, or in other words, things that make me very happy. (Please don't read it and think that my priorities are mixed up because I said I love all these things. We all know love has varying degrees and many meanings.)

I love:

Fish, barren deserts, unhealthy baked goods, banana chairs, my big squishy pillow, good music, the violin, my violin Joshua James, teaching violin, modern art, surrealist art, night, sleeping in my underwear :p, trees, photography, shoes, my family, the smell of rain and mountains, the smell of cologne, my bed, the Gospel, water, the scriptures, playing in string quartets or other small ensembles where I alone play my part, my Savior, pomegranates, adventures, flowers, choosing for myself except when I don't want to, adventures, purple, being treated like a lady, cats, connecting moments with people or art, the sky, springtime, feeling like a little girl, creating, Eric Whitacre, Tchaikovsky, Bach, Ysaye, Joshua Bell, depressing music, order and logic when not related to recognized art forms, dreamatic, unbelievable love stories, and life in general.

The end. (For now)