I'm gonna keep this nice and short today, because I have to finish writing a song for my cute 5th grade orchestra students, and because my brain is a little tired.
As you know, I had my hopes on the human being I previously referred to as the cute and handsome boy. Lately, I've come up with some less endearing terms for said person that I won't even try to remember. I will stick to the facts of the reasons why I have new names for that person, and not what I imagined his "last words" words to mean.
I got an e-mail 5 weeks ago today from this human being saying that he felt like he was meant to be a part of someone else's life. Apparently he always said we were not boyfriend and girlfriend, which he did actually say, but he would always follow such statements with expressions of how much happy he was and how he looked forward to the future and blah blah blah blah blah. Blah. So I, in my naivety, ignored the warning signs that most people removed from the relationship would have seen (such as an unwillingness to commit while still keeping me captivated with pretty words).
There is a definite advantage to living close to the spirit. I had felt that something wasn't entirely as I thought it was for some time, and had been gradually backing away from the "relationship." Which meant that I communicated less with him (though that was no entirely by choice) and starting looking into getting out into the real world. So while the e-mail was hard, it wasn't as bad as it would have been had I not had the Holy Ghost to guide me. And I have been guided and strenghtened in my efforts to get to know other people, and I have known for some time that I would find (at least) equal happiness in my life if things didn't go as I had planned.
Now for part 2 of the story, and the real reason for this here blog post.
Earlier in the day on the day of the ever so lovely e-mail, I had gone to church, and one of my roommates went with me. It was really REALLY cold in sacrament meeting, and we decided to try to find a warmer seat in the chapel since Sunday school was going to be held in there. Thinking we didn't want to move too far and get in the line of fire of another air-conditioning vent, we decided to move back one row. A few boys saw us make this seating change and gave us inquisitive looks, so we explained that we were trying to find a warmer seat. Which inspired them to give up their suit coats to keep us warm. (So classic singles' ward, eh?) I sat by one of them, and we discovered that we were no good at focusing on the lesson when sitting by each other, but it was really fun. After church, his wing-man wrote down me and Caitlin's phone numbers so we could go to game night at their house.
The next week, I went to church alone, and was rather late. I took the first open seat I found, which happened to be very close to the front of the chapel, and right next to the distracting boy. Funny! I sat by him in Sunday school as well (where we did not pay much attention to the lesson, of course). That night I went to game night at their house by myself, and after a long game of Phase 10 and Heather acting like a social neanderthal, he asked me to go on a walk with him. So I went and we had the classic get-to-know-you conversation, and it was fun. We set up a date for the following Wednesday and had a fun time taking pictures at Kolob Canyon and eating frozen yogurt and carving a pumpkin. We have been on a few more since then, and went to stake conference together this weekend.
And now I am afluster (I swear it's a word) because he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. The answer- yes. Why? Because I like him. He's adorable. And I have fun with him, and lots of other good things that I won't get into, because we've seen how my rambling about the wonderful qualities of a person can end. But I like him. But I said I wouldn't be his girlfriend right away, then left him hanging while we had dinner at my family's house and played games at his roommate's parents' house. I decided I should tell him a little of my thinking, so I told him the truth. I was in a relationship not long ago and it makes me nervous to jump right into something else.
So, here I sit, freaking about because I am afraid I scared him away. I don't want that to happen. But you see the problem, I think.
Well, that's all. That wasn't as short as I had planned. Oops!
