As you may have noticed, aside from putting my random ponderings into works, I love telling stories. Good, true stories (though writing a good make-believe story does sound kind of fun), and it just so happens that I've been blessed enough to be a (very) small part of one of the best stories I've ever heard!
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Heather. You may have heard of her. She went to college in her hometown, and after taking a little break after graduation, she decided to go to China with her community's orchestra. As she was preparing for that adventure, she started getting little ideas in her head (that were not her own) that she should move out of her parents' house. She thought "no, I need to save money, not spend it on renting an apartment!" But those ideas just kept coming, so she finally gave in. Ok, ok, I'll move out. Just tell me where and I will trust that everything will work out as it's supposed to." And just as she had asked for, she learned just where she should move to. But before she got all those details worked out, she made a trip to China.
While she was there, she made friends with another violinist and teacher, and the two of them became friends with a Chinese girl that they'd only knew a little from playing in the community orchestra. Miss Li was a very special girl. She was sure there was more to life than just looking good, learning and getting an education, and having a lot of money. She volunteered a lot, even in Tibet, acting on her desire to make a difference. So the three young ladies decided to all live together, and Heather her teacher friend had this thought: Perhaps we have something that Miss Li is searching for. , and they both hoped they would be able to share with her the happiness and fulfillment and peace and direction (and a whole number of other wonderful things) that come from having the gospel of Jesus Christ in their lives.
When they got home from China, Heather searched for an apartment, found one that she felt was in the right place (though she didn't know why it mattered so much where she decided to live exactly), and moved there. Miss Li was in an accident, so she they didn't get to live together in their apartment until December. They became good friends though, and had some fun chatting about obnoxious music professors and playing their violins together, and eating good food. Heather kept watching for the right time to tell Miss Li about the missionaries, and shared the things she believed with her in small ways. At first it was kind of hard. Heather would invite Miss Li to church activities, and she would say no. She invited her to church, and she said no thanks. But then one day, the very friendly and persuasive bishopric visited Miss Li and invited her to go to church. She said "yeah, I can do that."
So Heather and Miss Li went to church together. She had a hard time understanding what was going on since people in church speak rather fast an not always clear English, but she liked the people there. Then one day, the missionaries came to the back door. Heather answered it. They asked if she would like to hear about Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She said "well I am a member of that church, but I have a roommate who is not, and she has been going to church with me for about a month." they said they would come back.
As promised, the missionaries came back (to the back door) on a snowy day the next Friday. Miss Li opened the door and thought the police had come for her because of their clothing and name tags. Heather was chatting with Mr. Middle Century in the front room, so she went and invited them in, which they could do since there was a male person on the house. They tried to tell Miss Li that she has a Father in Heaven who loves her while she played The Sims. She must have liked what they has to say, because she told them they could come back. And they kept coming and Miss Li because she thought that what they said made sense. Then she was watching General Conference in October and decided that she should get baptized and become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. So in late April,, she did just that. At her baptism, her bishop pointed out some rather incredible parts of the story that Heather was not fully aware of herself.
When Bishop was called, he had a hard time coming up with a person he felt should be one of his counselors. A name was suggested by another church leader, a young guy he didn't even know. He knew that was the man for the job, and it just so happened that that man man spoke fluent Mandarin. In the summer that Heather was looking at apartments, the boundaries to this particular ward were changed to include the street where Heather was directed to live. Coincidence? No way.
Miss Li continues to hunger and thirst after gospel knowledge, and had gained a determination to share the things she has come to know are true with those she loves.
Our Heavenly Father really does take care of His children. He always provides a way for them to have the things they need in their lives. And that's because He loves us and wants us to be happy.
The Beginning
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Doubt not, fear not
Hello! You my be wondering what's been going on in my life since my last posting, since it's been so long since I last posted. Unfortunately, I have nothing terribly exciting to report (actually, I am not entirely sure how unfortunate that is!). I sleep, eat, work, eat again, and in the evenings I either hang out with my roommates, go visit people in my ward, listen to missionary discussions, go to a concert or rehearsal, or go on a date. It's a very rare thing when I find myself with free time before 8:30 during the week. It can be exhausting quite honestly, but it's also very exciting. For a little while after my last post, I kind of felt like my life had no purpose or direction, and that I wasn't making a difference in the world. I knew that couldn't possibly be the truth about my life, so I prayed to find my direction and to somehow, in small small way, make the world a slightly brighter place. The pieces of the puzzle that is my life are starting to come together, and I've felt peace once again. I will share with you the source of that peace, but as this is one of my musings, I'm afraid you'll have to endure the entire thought process before you get the conclusion :)
I have come to realize that I have developed quite a few fears over the years. Some of them are not terribly unique- dolls, needles, puncture wounds, the occasional claustrophobia, losing my mom, about four fears involving relationships- and then there's my seemingly random fear of moths. Some fears are more serious, and I battle them regularly. I described one of those fears in this posting a few months ago. I was once talking to a friend about some of these fears, and shortly thereafter ran into this scripture:
". . . perfect love casteth out all fear." -Mosiah 8:16
I pondered on this discovery, and I thought "what is perfect love?" I came to the conclusion that perfect love is the love of Christ (see Moroni 7:47). He suffered for my sins and sorrows and pains because He loves me perfectly. He suffered for your sins and sorrows and pains because He loves you perfectly. I realize this information isn't completely new or particularly profound, but it has given me a fresh outlook that I have been so in need of. I had (silly as it may be) not thought to turn to Christ to "cast out" my fears. To overcome them temporarily, yes, but I thought I could cast them out on my own. How wrong that thinking was!
I really do stand all amazed at the love of my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I see my Father's hand in my life, and really am constantly amazed that I am where I am today. I would be so lost without my Father's guidance, and I know it is because he loves me and wants and knows what is best for me that I have been led to where I am now. I know He is always watching out for me. When I ask for His help, I can get through every day and even enjoy all the things I have going on. Where it not for His help, I am sure I was be exhausted and ornery constantly. I know He is mindful of me because He has given me blessings and promptings I haven't asked for. He knows what I need and has always led me to the right people, the right places at the right times. Or steered away from things I, in my stubborn little mind, thought were right. I never doubt that God is real and that He loves me, and I am so grateful for that knowledge!
Thanks for reading :) Have a great week!
I have come to realize that I have developed quite a few fears over the years. Some of them are not terribly unique- dolls, needles, puncture wounds, the occasional claustrophobia, losing my mom, about four fears involving relationships- and then there's my seemingly random fear of moths. Some fears are more serious, and I battle them regularly. I described one of those fears in this posting a few months ago. I was once talking to a friend about some of these fears, and shortly thereafter ran into this scripture:
". . . perfect love casteth out all fear." -Mosiah 8:16
I pondered on this discovery, and I thought "what is perfect love?" I came to the conclusion that perfect love is the love of Christ (see Moroni 7:47). He suffered for my sins and sorrows and pains because He loves me perfectly. He suffered for your sins and sorrows and pains because He loves you perfectly. I realize this information isn't completely new or particularly profound, but it has given me a fresh outlook that I have been so in need of. I had (silly as it may be) not thought to turn to Christ to "cast out" my fears. To overcome them temporarily, yes, but I thought I could cast them out on my own. How wrong that thinking was!
I really do stand all amazed at the love of my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I see my Father's hand in my life, and really am constantly amazed that I am where I am today. I would be so lost without my Father's guidance, and I know it is because he loves me and wants and knows what is best for me that I have been led to where I am now. I know He is always watching out for me. When I ask for His help, I can get through every day and even enjoy all the things I have going on. Where it not for His help, I am sure I was be exhausted and ornery constantly. I know He is mindful of me because He has given me blessings and promptings I haven't asked for. He knows what I need and has always led me to the right people, the right places at the right times. Or steered away from things I, in my stubborn little mind, thought were right. I never doubt that God is real and that He loves me, and I am so grateful for that knowledge!
Thanks for reading :) Have a great week!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Another Ending
Well dear friends, as some of you already know, yet another chapter in my life has come to an end. I am thinking of calling this one either "don't get your hopes up," or "all good things must come to an end." Or maybe "you'd think I would have learned these things already by now." I don't know, I will decide later. In this chapter, we met the distracting and endearing boy, had some incredible, memorable stories happen in the middle, but in the end, well, it ended. I imagine (and sometimes my imagination is not very centered in reality, but hey) that you might have a couple of questions come to mind, and here are the answers, sparing a few unimportant details and language I am sure you wouldn't imagine I would ever use.
How am I doing? Well, it's hard to say with the very small amounts of sleep I've had for several days, since everything seems so much more dramatic than it really is when sleep deprivation is involved. Let's just say that at any moment I may be feeling any one of the following emotions: sadness, failure, anger, loneliness, emptiness, numbness, or anger. Basically I think I use all but the four of those to block out the other two. Aside from those emotions, I may be experiencing any of the following sensations: heartache, heartbreak, or more accurately, like someone is squeezing their fist around my heart just as hard as they possibly can. (I admit that these feelings are compounded because I experienced it all not so long ago.) But the worst, and not new or unfamiliar, sensation of them all is what I have decided to call "the lost arm syndrome." I feel so off balance. This is where my thoughts go around in a circle, like this
"What should I do with my new found free time? Nothing I can think of sounds like fun to do by myself, so I'll just do something with my hands to distract myself."
So I do something for work, or practice, or color, and start thinking about other things. Eventually I'll come to a thought and think
"Oh, I should tell him. . . oh. . . nevermind. I should do something to distract myself from not having him to tell. Wait, I don't want to do that by myself. . ."
And it starts over and goes on.
Aside from these feelings and sensations, I may be asking myself any of the following questions (which are the sorts of thoughts that get my into the lost arm syndrome, but anyway): "What now?" "What am I doing wrong?" "Why did this even happen in the first place?" "Why didn't I learn the first time?" But the one that weights most heavily on my mind is "How will I ever find someone, something, as good as what was just taken away?" Seriously, my logic and my feelings tell me we were great together. We balanced each other well, we communicated well, and we had ridiculous amounts of fun. So. . . What happened? I will tell you.
From the beginning I was impressed by the distracting and endearing boy, and the more I got to know him, the more I grew to admire him. So naturally, I wanted to know if it was Heavenly Father's will for us to be together, so I started asking (though if I was being honest with myself, which is, after all, really the point of this post, sometimes I asked and then admitted I was afraid to know the answer). I would go between feeling unsure whether it was right or not, feeling quite good about it, and letting my fears of it not working out take over all my thoughts. So I became confused. (Oh, from what I understand, this journey is more or less the same one the distracting and endearing boy experienced, but I digress.) Sometimes I couldn't tell if what I was feeling was a fear, (from Satan) or a prompting (from God). Eventually the distracting and endearing boy and I discussed our feelings and began to search and ask together. A line from one of my very favorite songs comes to mind to describe what happened next- "Don't people hold tighter when love starts slipping away?" I don't mean to claim that we were in love like in a fairytale (which is a tender mercy), but we did care about each other's feelings, hopes, and desires. It started becoming more and more clear what was fear and what was right, but I wasn't liking the answer that was taking shape, and I guess the boy didn't either, so we kept asking and fighting the answer that was forming in our minds and hearts (for all the ways in which we are opposite, our tendency to "fight" is one thing we have in common). But since we both want to do what's right more than anything, we had to admit to ourselves that it was not right. The thing that was confusing us was that we were fighting that fact that deep down we knew. So that's how it ended- in a rough night of honesty with ourselves as individuals and as two involved people, torn up knowing the hurt doing the right thing would cause, but still knowing that doing our Father's will was more important than anything else. I, for one, don't think I will make sense of the whole thing, but I suppose that in this instance, and all others for that matter, it is faith that matters most, not sense. And though I don't see how things will ever work out at the present time, I know that as long as I'm faithful I will be happy and blessed.
How am I doing? Well, it's hard to say with the very small amounts of sleep I've had for several days, since everything seems so much more dramatic than it really is when sleep deprivation is involved. Let's just say that at any moment I may be feeling any one of the following emotions: sadness, failure, anger, loneliness, emptiness, numbness, or anger. Basically I think I use all but the four of those to block out the other two. Aside from those emotions, I may be experiencing any of the following sensations: heartache, heartbreak, or more accurately, like someone is squeezing their fist around my heart just as hard as they possibly can. (I admit that these feelings are compounded because I experienced it all not so long ago.) But the worst, and not new or unfamiliar, sensation of them all is what I have decided to call "the lost arm syndrome." I feel so off balance. This is where my thoughts go around in a circle, like this
"What should I do with my new found free time? Nothing I can think of sounds like fun to do by myself, so I'll just do something with my hands to distract myself."
So I do something for work, or practice, or color, and start thinking about other things. Eventually I'll come to a thought and think
"Oh, I should tell him. . . oh. . . nevermind. I should do something to distract myself from not having him to tell. Wait, I don't want to do that by myself. . ."
And it starts over and goes on.
Aside from these feelings and sensations, I may be asking myself any of the following questions (which are the sorts of thoughts that get my into the lost arm syndrome, but anyway): "What now?" "What am I doing wrong?" "Why did this even happen in the first place?" "Why didn't I learn the first time?" But the one that weights most heavily on my mind is "How will I ever find someone, something, as good as what was just taken away?" Seriously, my logic and my feelings tell me we were great together. We balanced each other well, we communicated well, and we had ridiculous amounts of fun. So. . . What happened? I will tell you.
From the beginning I was impressed by the distracting and endearing boy, and the more I got to know him, the more I grew to admire him. So naturally, I wanted to know if it was Heavenly Father's will for us to be together, so I started asking (though if I was being honest with myself, which is, after all, really the point of this post, sometimes I asked and then admitted I was afraid to know the answer). I would go between feeling unsure whether it was right or not, feeling quite good about it, and letting my fears of it not working out take over all my thoughts. So I became confused. (Oh, from what I understand, this journey is more or less the same one the distracting and endearing boy experienced, but I digress.) Sometimes I couldn't tell if what I was feeling was a fear, (from Satan) or a prompting (from God). Eventually the distracting and endearing boy and I discussed our feelings and began to search and ask together. A line from one of my very favorite songs comes to mind to describe what happened next- "Don't people hold tighter when love starts slipping away?" I don't mean to claim that we were in love like in a fairytale (which is a tender mercy), but we did care about each other's feelings, hopes, and desires. It started becoming more and more clear what was fear and what was right, but I wasn't liking the answer that was taking shape, and I guess the boy didn't either, so we kept asking and fighting the answer that was forming in our minds and hearts (for all the ways in which we are opposite, our tendency to "fight" is one thing we have in common). But since we both want to do what's right more than anything, we had to admit to ourselves that it was not right. The thing that was confusing us was that we were fighting that fact that deep down we knew. So that's how it ended- in a rough night of honesty with ourselves as individuals and as two involved people, torn up knowing the hurt doing the right thing would cause, but still knowing that doing our Father's will was more important than anything else. I, for one, don't think I will make sense of the whole thing, but I suppose that in this instance, and all others for that matter, it is faith that matters most, not sense. And though I don't see how things will ever work out at the present time, I know that as long as I'm faithful I will be happy and blessed.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Choose Your Own Adventure
Have you ever noticed that people seem to have a spot where they do their deepest thinking? For instance, I know a lot of people ponder the mysteries of the universe in the shower. Usually I do that in the morning, and mornings and deep thoughts do NOT go together for me. I have also heard of lots of people who like to be out in nature to do their pondering. But my deep thoughts happen most often while I'm driving. While I am driving there is a 90% chance that I am doing one of two (and sometimes both) things- Singing my guts out to my music, and/or musing about life's complexities. Today was no exception.
Before I explain today's musing, I want to explain one thing to anyone who may stumble across this blog. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (a.k.a. I'm a Mormon), and while this musing most certainly has to do with things I have learned to be true during my life as such, I do not intend this to be a profession of Church doctrine.
Since I was little, I heard that God is all-knowing and all-powerful. As a child, I wondered that since he was all-knowing, does that mean He knows all the decisions I'm going to make? Does he know that I'm about to do a jumping jack? Does he know what I'll be when I grow up? I remember asking my mom these questions, and her response was that He was probably more concerned with things a little more important than whether I would do a jumping jack or not, but was a little vague about answering whether He had my entire future mapped out. As I got older, I sometimes wondered why we had to come to earth if our future was already set. The answer to this question came gradually, beginning with the following insight from someone I looked up to and learned a lot from (and is mentioned in this post and this post also.)
The whole reason we are here on Earth right now is to learn. You know how we say some people can learn from others mistakes, while some people have to make them? I actually think we all had to come here and learn from experience to learn what we needed to. We probably heard from our Father in Heaven lots of the things that he knows before we came here, but to really REALLY know we had to come and learn for ourselves, so that we could ultimately (after lots of learning the hard way and repentance) have the chance to do as Christ said and "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect (Matthew 5:48)."
Now to the part that I thought of in my car today (finally!). After years of thought and study and inspiration and those sorts of things, I concluded that our our lives are not a set series of events that will take us to one place in our lives, but are more like a choose-your-own-adventure novel. God, our Father, can see where each choice we make will take us immediately (turn to page 3B), where it could take us later down the road (something we can't always see), and how each particular choice will alter our story (which we mostly see in retrospect). The best part is that He didn't leave us completely on our own, to cross our fingers and hope the choices we make are right, being the loving Father that He is. He gave us the gift of the Holy Ghost to help us know which path to take, and examples of prophets and people in the scriptures who chose their adventures- some wisely and prayerfully, others. . . not so much. Sometimes our Father even shows us choices we didn't know were there. Sometimes He nudges us so our choices lead us right into someone else's adventure and we make a friend, an investigator, a sweetheart, etc. Sometimes, because of the nature of agency, the choices of others put a hitch in our current story, but because God knows our entire book and wants us to be happy, He will make opportunities for happy adventures for us in spite of others' less than wise choices.
I can think of several times in my life where I was directed to make one specific choice and I didn't know why at the time. There has always been a reason for it in every instance- I learned something I needed to, met someone who changed my life, was able to help someone else, and those experiences have built my testimony that God knows me and wants me to be, and will show me how to be, happy. Once, I was blessed to see a few choices in front of me. I knew I would have to be more faithful and more diligent than I had been being, and if I could do that, a couple possibilities would be on my turning page. However, one of those choices could only remain if someone else made used their agency to choose their page turns that would lead them to my story. I hoped for a long time that my story would work out that way, but soon enough I was directed to take the other (much more vague) choice. After a little bit of kicking myself in the foot, I turned to that page and found myself different, and at first, very uncomfortable place in my story. That part didn't last very long though, and my story now is fun and full of new adventures and wonderful people. Of course, this part of my story will inevitably come to a turning page where I have to choose my next adventure, and because I have my Father there to help me, I know it will be a good one :)
Anyway, this last musing was born on a drive home from the distracting, endearing boy's hometown. It's a place I'd like to explore more, since it does have a certain charm. I enjoyed some Christmas caroling and looks of "who in the world are you?" and some good laughs. I laughed harder than I have with a group of people in a long time in fact, and was touched by a few thoughtful, beautiful gifts that were, to me, instant treasures. And I gave a couple gifts that well received, too. I just love giving gifts, and and always so amazed at seeing the wonderful creative things people give each other. What a great way to start off the Christmas season!
Before I explain today's musing, I want to explain one thing to anyone who may stumble across this blog. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (a.k.a. I'm a Mormon), and while this musing most certainly has to do with things I have learned to be true during my life as such, I do not intend this to be a profession of Church doctrine.
Since I was little, I heard that God is all-knowing and all-powerful. As a child, I wondered that since he was all-knowing, does that mean He knows all the decisions I'm going to make? Does he know that I'm about to do a jumping jack? Does he know what I'll be when I grow up? I remember asking my mom these questions, and her response was that He was probably more concerned with things a little more important than whether I would do a jumping jack or not, but was a little vague about answering whether He had my entire future mapped out. As I got older, I sometimes wondered why we had to come to earth if our future was already set. The answer to this question came gradually, beginning with the following insight from someone I looked up to and learned a lot from (and is mentioned in this post and this post also.)
The whole reason we are here on Earth right now is to learn. You know how we say some people can learn from others mistakes, while some people have to make them? I actually think we all had to come here and learn from experience to learn what we needed to. We probably heard from our Father in Heaven lots of the things that he knows before we came here, but to really REALLY know we had to come and learn for ourselves, so that we could ultimately (after lots of learning the hard way and repentance) have the chance to do as Christ said and "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect (Matthew 5:48)."
Now to the part that I thought of in my car today (finally!). After years of thought and study and inspiration and those sorts of things, I concluded that our our lives are not a set series of events that will take us to one place in our lives, but are more like a choose-your-own-adventure novel. God, our Father, can see where each choice we make will take us immediately (turn to page 3B), where it could take us later down the road (something we can't always see), and how each particular choice will alter our story (which we mostly see in retrospect). The best part is that He didn't leave us completely on our own, to cross our fingers and hope the choices we make are right, being the loving Father that He is. He gave us the gift of the Holy Ghost to help us know which path to take, and examples of prophets and people in the scriptures who chose their adventures- some wisely and prayerfully, others. . . not so much. Sometimes our Father even shows us choices we didn't know were there. Sometimes He nudges us so our choices lead us right into someone else's adventure and we make a friend, an investigator, a sweetheart, etc. Sometimes, because of the nature of agency, the choices of others put a hitch in our current story, but because God knows our entire book and wants us to be happy, He will make opportunities for happy adventures for us in spite of others' less than wise choices.
I can think of several times in my life where I was directed to make one specific choice and I didn't know why at the time. There has always been a reason for it in every instance- I learned something I needed to, met someone who changed my life, was able to help someone else, and those experiences have built my testimony that God knows me and wants me to be, and will show me how to be, happy. Once, I was blessed to see a few choices in front of me. I knew I would have to be more faithful and more diligent than I had been being, and if I could do that, a couple possibilities would be on my turning page. However, one of those choices could only remain if someone else made used their agency to choose their page turns that would lead them to my story. I hoped for a long time that my story would work out that way, but soon enough I was directed to take the other (much more vague) choice. After a little bit of kicking myself in the foot, I turned to that page and found myself different, and at first, very uncomfortable place in my story. That part didn't last very long though, and my story now is fun and full of new adventures and wonderful people. Of course, this part of my story will inevitably come to a turning page where I have to choose my next adventure, and because I have my Father there to help me, I know it will be a good one :)
Anyway, this last musing was born on a drive home from the distracting, endearing boy's hometown. It's a place I'd like to explore more, since it does have a certain charm. I enjoyed some Christmas caroling and looks of "who in the world are you?" and some good laughs. I laughed harder than I have with a group of people in a long time in fact, and was touched by a few thoughtful, beautiful gifts that were, to me, instant treasures. And I gave a couple gifts that well received, too. I just love giving gifts, and and always so amazed at seeing the wonderful creative things people give each other. What a great way to start off the Christmas season!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Wednesday Night Musings, and some fan-freaking-tastic news!
Hi!
I was just laying in bed awake and thinking about things, and I had what I thought was a fairly profound thought. So I thought "instead of laying here not sleeping, why don't you blog about it?!" So, here is one of my musings.
Lately I have been noticing something that is interesting to me- though that may not be the most appropriate word. I've been getting to know a few new people and watching a few people I already know pretty well, and have noticed that everyone has their own particular challenge or weakness that they have to fight almost all the time to overcome. Sometimes those challenges are physiological, but I have been more curious about the things that are spiritual. I really think that Satan has found a way that he can, if his victim isn't wary, pull a person right down to exactly where he wants them to be- miserable. And tonight, I figured out what his favorite tactic to pull me down is (and I am sad to report that I have let him win on more than one occasion).
Inadequacy. I've struggled with it my whole life. I realize that a big part of that has to do with my personality, but as I've grown up, I've pretty much learned how to overcome the part of it that is inherent in my nature. But still, I'll go through moments (sometimes prolonged phases) where I just don't feel like I'm good enough. I don't do my job well enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not funny enough, I'm not social enough, I'm not a good enough girlfriend, I don't dress well enough, I'm not organized enough, and the list goes on until this terrible feeling has crept into every single aspect of my life. It gets to the point where I feel like Sara in Seven Pounds, who describes her life as "unremarkable in every way." I won't leave the house unless my makeup is set perfectly and my hair falls just right and my outfit looks good, and then I can still go through the day wondering what people think of me. It's ridiculous! Do not panic, I haven't had it that bad in a while, thanks to some amazing faith-building experiences. And a boyfriend who thinks I'm wonderful :)
So, for anybody who has this same weakness that some unfriendly immortals like to exploit, let me tell you how I've overcome it, shall I? First of all, I keep reading my scriptures every day despite the fact that I feel "blah" and don't want to. Then I say a prayer and tell my Father about these feelings of inadequacy that I have, and thank him for all the things he has given me. By the time I've thought of everything I was grateful for during the day, I remember just how loved I am. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and He truly loves me. He loves me enough that He sent His Son to die for me that I might return to live with Him again. Really, that's a lot of love! Once I remember how much I am loved, I remember that as a daughter of God, I have potential to change the world! I can do great things! These things may be small and simple, but they are great!
Now, onto the fan-freaking-tastic news! The distracting boy that I mentioned in my last post and I are dating :) We are completely ridiculous together sometimes, and I love it! I can meet up with him feeling tired and blaaah and go to bed feeling anywhere from giddy to warm and fuzzy. Since I left you hanging on the last post, let me fill you in.
After the night I said I wouldn't be his girlfriend, we still hung out. A lot. Like 5/7 days a week. Then one night he dropped me off and asked if he could kiss me. Since I had said I wouldn't be his girlfriend, I didn't expect the whole kissing scenario to come about. So I got a little flustered and said no again. But for some reason, he still hung out with me the very next day (which was the day before Thanksgiving). We had fun helping this family to get their house ready for Thanksgiving (though I admit I contributed little) and watching a movie and eating nachos and playing nerts. As we were getting on the freeway ramp in New Harmony, his muffler broke. That's enough to ruin someone's night for sure, especially on the day before Thanksgiving when you want to drive your car home to stuff face there. While he was out looking at it and seeing if there was anything that could be done, I was sitting in the car feeling quite useless. Then his roommate got in the car and started making awkward conversation, so I got out of the car. Poor guy was all ruffled, and it so happens that I have a knack for calming people down (people other than myself, I mean), so I got him to sit by me and talked to him a little bit. He asked if I was afraid of him now that I'd seen him mad, and I said no and kissed him. I wasn't really planning to do that, but it seemed like a good moment, and then it just happened. It was quite nice. Since then we've only been apart for a few days over the Thanksgiving holiday, and I am really enjoying the time we spend together. Oh, if you have any good date night ideas, please share :)
Aside from boyfriendland, I do have crazy crazy things with my orchestra students. I have one concert tomorrow that I learned about on Tuesday, that I am in charge of. Um, thanks for the notice! So we'll see how that goes. Next week I have 2 concerts for my students, and rehearsals have been making me a little edgy. They're playing some one-part songs from their books, but the song I gave them a few weeks ago that has 3 parts still sounds like, well, a bunch of kids playing their instruments badly at the same time, but not at all in sync. 2 of those groups really are trying hard though, so I'm not so upset with them. But one of my classes is awful. They don't know where the notes are, they don't know how to count the rhythms, they don't practice at home, and when I tell them what to do they give me this "who the heck are you and why should I care what you say" look and continue sawing away on their D string. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I keep telling myself it will turn out alright, but I still don't see much hope.
And to end on happy note, I am loving this Christmas season! Including the snow and ice. I love winter. It's just so beautiful! And Messiah rehearsals have started, which is definitely one of the highlights of the season. Read this post for more of my thoughts on that.
That's all for tonight. I'm gonna try again on the sleep thing. Have a great day!
I was just laying in bed awake and thinking about things, and I had what I thought was a fairly profound thought. So I thought "instead of laying here not sleeping, why don't you blog about it?!" So, here is one of my musings.
Lately I have been noticing something that is interesting to me- though that may not be the most appropriate word. I've been getting to know a few new people and watching a few people I already know pretty well, and have noticed that everyone has their own particular challenge or weakness that they have to fight almost all the time to overcome. Sometimes those challenges are physiological, but I have been more curious about the things that are spiritual. I really think that Satan has found a way that he can, if his victim isn't wary, pull a person right down to exactly where he wants them to be- miserable. And tonight, I figured out what his favorite tactic to pull me down is (and I am sad to report that I have let him win on more than one occasion).
Inadequacy. I've struggled with it my whole life. I realize that a big part of that has to do with my personality, but as I've grown up, I've pretty much learned how to overcome the part of it that is inherent in my nature. But still, I'll go through moments (sometimes prolonged phases) where I just don't feel like I'm good enough. I don't do my job well enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not funny enough, I'm not social enough, I'm not a good enough girlfriend, I don't dress well enough, I'm not organized enough, and the list goes on until this terrible feeling has crept into every single aspect of my life. It gets to the point where I feel like Sara in Seven Pounds, who describes her life as "unremarkable in every way." I won't leave the house unless my makeup is set perfectly and my hair falls just right and my outfit looks good, and then I can still go through the day wondering what people think of me. It's ridiculous! Do not panic, I haven't had it that bad in a while, thanks to some amazing faith-building experiences. And a boyfriend who thinks I'm wonderful :)
So, for anybody who has this same weakness that some unfriendly immortals like to exploit, let me tell you how I've overcome it, shall I? First of all, I keep reading my scriptures every day despite the fact that I feel "blah" and don't want to. Then I say a prayer and tell my Father about these feelings of inadequacy that I have, and thank him for all the things he has given me. By the time I've thought of everything I was grateful for during the day, I remember just how loved I am. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and He truly loves me. He loves me enough that He sent His Son to die for me that I might return to live with Him again. Really, that's a lot of love! Once I remember how much I am loved, I remember that as a daughter of God, I have potential to change the world! I can do great things! These things may be small and simple, but they are great!
Now, onto the fan-freaking-tastic news! The distracting boy that I mentioned in my last post and I are dating :) We are completely ridiculous together sometimes, and I love it! I can meet up with him feeling tired and blaaah and go to bed feeling anywhere from giddy to warm and fuzzy. Since I left you hanging on the last post, let me fill you in.
After the night I said I wouldn't be his girlfriend, we still hung out. A lot. Like 5/7 days a week. Then one night he dropped me off and asked if he could kiss me. Since I had said I wouldn't be his girlfriend, I didn't expect the whole kissing scenario to come about. So I got a little flustered and said no again. But for some reason, he still hung out with me the very next day (which was the day before Thanksgiving). We had fun helping this family to get their house ready for Thanksgiving (though I admit I contributed little) and watching a movie and eating nachos and playing nerts. As we were getting on the freeway ramp in New Harmony, his muffler broke. That's enough to ruin someone's night for sure, especially on the day before Thanksgiving when you want to drive your car home to stuff face there. While he was out looking at it and seeing if there was anything that could be done, I was sitting in the car feeling quite useless. Then his roommate got in the car and started making awkward conversation, so I got out of the car. Poor guy was all ruffled, and it so happens that I have a knack for calming people down (people other than myself, I mean), so I got him to sit by me and talked to him a little bit. He asked if I was afraid of him now that I'd seen him mad, and I said no and kissed him. I wasn't really planning to do that, but it seemed like a good moment, and then it just happened. It was quite nice. Since then we've only been apart for a few days over the Thanksgiving holiday, and I am really enjoying the time we spend together. Oh, if you have any good date night ideas, please share :)
Aside from boyfriendland, I do have crazy crazy things with my orchestra students. I have one concert tomorrow that I learned about on Tuesday, that I am in charge of. Um, thanks for the notice! So we'll see how that goes. Next week I have 2 concerts for my students, and rehearsals have been making me a little edgy. They're playing some one-part songs from their books, but the song I gave them a few weeks ago that has 3 parts still sounds like, well, a bunch of kids playing their instruments badly at the same time, but not at all in sync. 2 of those groups really are trying hard though, so I'm not so upset with them. But one of my classes is awful. They don't know where the notes are, they don't know how to count the rhythms, they don't practice at home, and when I tell them what to do they give me this "who the heck are you and why should I care what you say" look and continue sawing away on their D string. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I keep telling myself it will turn out alright, but I still don't see much hope.
That's all for tonight. I'm gonna try again on the sleep thing. Have a great day!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Oh the messiness of relationships. . .
I'm gonna keep this nice and short today, because I have to finish writing a song for my cute 5th grade orchestra students, and because my brain is a little tired.
As you know, I had my hopes on the human being I previously referred to as the cute and handsome boy. Lately, I've come up with some less endearing terms for said person that I won't even try to remember. I will stick to the facts of the reasons why I have new names for that person, and not what I imagined his "last words" words to mean.
I got an e-mail 5 weeks ago today from this human being saying that he felt like he was meant to be a part of someone else's life. Apparently he always said we were not boyfriend and girlfriend, which he did actually say, but he would always follow such statements with expressions of how much happy he was and how he looked forward to the future and blah blah blah blah blah. Blah. So I, in my naivety, ignored the warning signs that most people removed from the relationship would have seen (such as an unwillingness to commit while still keeping me captivated with pretty words).
There is a definite advantage to living close to the spirit. I had felt that something wasn't entirely as I thought it was for some time, and had been gradually backing away from the "relationship." Which meant that I communicated less with him (though that was no entirely by choice) and starting looking into getting out into the real world. So while the e-mail was hard, it wasn't as bad as it would have been had I not had the Holy Ghost to guide me. And I have been guided and strenghtened in my efforts to get to know other people, and I have known for some time that I would find (at least) equal happiness in my life if things didn't go as I had planned.
Now for part 2 of the story, and the real reason for this here blog post.
Earlier in the day on the day of the ever so lovely e-mail, I had gone to church, and one of my roommates went with me. It was really REALLY cold in sacrament meeting, and we decided to try to find a warmer seat in the chapel since Sunday school was going to be held in there. Thinking we didn't want to move too far and get in the line of fire of another air-conditioning vent, we decided to move back one row. A few boys saw us make this seating change and gave us inquisitive looks, so we explained that we were trying to find a warmer seat. Which inspired them to give up their suit coats to keep us warm. (So classic singles' ward, eh?) I sat by one of them, and we discovered that we were no good at focusing on the lesson when sitting by each other, but it was really fun. After church, his wing-man wrote down me and Caitlin's phone numbers so we could go to game night at their house.
The next week, I went to church alone, and was rather late. I took the first open seat I found, which happened to be very close to the front of the chapel, and right next to the distracting boy. Funny! I sat by him in Sunday school as well (where we did not pay much attention to the lesson, of course). That night I went to game night at their house by myself, and after a long game of Phase 10 and Heather acting like a social neanderthal, he asked me to go on a walk with him. So I went and we had the classic get-to-know-you conversation, and it was fun. We set up a date for the following Wednesday and had a fun time taking pictures at Kolob Canyon and eating frozen yogurt and carving a pumpkin. We have been on a few more since then, and went to stake conference together this weekend.
And now I am afluster (I swear it's a word) because he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. The answer- yes. Why? Because I like him. He's adorable. And I have fun with him, and lots of other good things that I won't get into, because we've seen how my rambling about the wonderful qualities of a person can end. But I like him. But I said I wouldn't be his girlfriend right away, then left him hanging while we had dinner at my family's house and played games at his roommate's parents' house. I decided I should tell him a little of my thinking, so I told him the truth. I was in a relationship not long ago and it makes me nervous to jump right into something else.
So, here I sit, freaking about because I am afraid I scared him away. I don't want that to happen. But you see the problem, I think.
Well, that's all. That wasn't as short as I had planned. Oops!
As you know, I had my hopes on the human being I previously referred to as the cute and handsome boy. Lately, I've come up with some less endearing terms for said person that I won't even try to remember. I will stick to the facts of the reasons why I have new names for that person, and not what I imagined his "last words" words to mean.
I got an e-mail 5 weeks ago today from this human being saying that he felt like he was meant to be a part of someone else's life. Apparently he always said we were not boyfriend and girlfriend, which he did actually say, but he would always follow such statements with expressions of how much happy he was and how he looked forward to the future and blah blah blah blah blah. Blah. So I, in my naivety, ignored the warning signs that most people removed from the relationship would have seen (such as an unwillingness to commit while still keeping me captivated with pretty words).
There is a definite advantage to living close to the spirit. I had felt that something wasn't entirely as I thought it was for some time, and had been gradually backing away from the "relationship." Which meant that I communicated less with him (though that was no entirely by choice) and starting looking into getting out into the real world. So while the e-mail was hard, it wasn't as bad as it would have been had I not had the Holy Ghost to guide me. And I have been guided and strenghtened in my efforts to get to know other people, and I have known for some time that I would find (at least) equal happiness in my life if things didn't go as I had planned.
Now for part 2 of the story, and the real reason for this here blog post.
Earlier in the day on the day of the ever so lovely e-mail, I had gone to church, and one of my roommates went with me. It was really REALLY cold in sacrament meeting, and we decided to try to find a warmer seat in the chapel since Sunday school was going to be held in there. Thinking we didn't want to move too far and get in the line of fire of another air-conditioning vent, we decided to move back one row. A few boys saw us make this seating change and gave us inquisitive looks, so we explained that we were trying to find a warmer seat. Which inspired them to give up their suit coats to keep us warm. (So classic singles' ward, eh?) I sat by one of them, and we discovered that we were no good at focusing on the lesson when sitting by each other, but it was really fun. After church, his wing-man wrote down me and Caitlin's phone numbers so we could go to game night at their house.
The next week, I went to church alone, and was rather late. I took the first open seat I found, which happened to be very close to the front of the chapel, and right next to the distracting boy. Funny! I sat by him in Sunday school as well (where we did not pay much attention to the lesson, of course). That night I went to game night at their house by myself, and after a long game of Phase 10 and Heather acting like a social neanderthal, he asked me to go on a walk with him. So I went and we had the classic get-to-know-you conversation, and it was fun. We set up a date for the following Wednesday and had a fun time taking pictures at Kolob Canyon and eating frozen yogurt and carving a pumpkin. We have been on a few more since then, and went to stake conference together this weekend.
And now I am afluster (I swear it's a word) because he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. The answer- yes. Why? Because I like him. He's adorable. And I have fun with him, and lots of other good things that I won't get into, because we've seen how my rambling about the wonderful qualities of a person can end. But I like him. But I said I wouldn't be his girlfriend right away, then left him hanging while we had dinner at my family's house and played games at his roommate's parents' house. I decided I should tell him a little of my thinking, so I told him the truth. I was in a relationship not long ago and it makes me nervous to jump right into something else.
So, here I sit, freaking about because I am afraid I scared him away. I don't want that to happen. But you see the problem, I think.
Well, that's all. That wasn't as short as I had planned. Oops!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Lots and lots of new stuff!
Wow, I am amazed I actually have a minute to sit and update my blog! Between teaching orchestra, violin, lesson planning, and various other activities, it's been next to impossible to it and blog. Although sometimes it's not for the lack of time, but rather the lack of desire to have to think! But I will try to fill you in a little bit.
So, this summer I went to China! Instead of trying to give you a rundown of every single thing I did while I was there in one posting, I am going to tell you a couple of stories in each post. And these stories will include photos :)
On May 30, 2011, I, who have not really been outside of the Western United States, left (late) for China. A car took me to a shuttle which took me to the airport. After a long wait (security went WAY faster than we'd anticipated at the Vegas Airport), we got on our first flight to LA. I was really scared, as I had only flown once before, and my parents were in charge of my tickets and luggage then. I was more nervous to find that I didn't sit by any people from my group. Somehow, I successfully found my seat, where an Asian couple helped me stow my violin in the overhead bin. The flight was mercifully short, and after a last minute terminal change, we boarded our international flight in LA. The flight was delayed because they had to change our flight path because of a volcano en route (they didn't specify where) so they also had to get rid of some cargo so they could fit more fuel. Anyway, the flight ended up being somewhere around 15 hours. Yes, it was about as horrible as it sounds. I did get a window seat, however, and was sitting by one of the senior members from our group. (Boys, don't read the following- 15 hour flights and periods DO NOT get along well. At all. That's all.) They had a good selection of movies and games and TV and the food was decent, and the Asian flight attendants were ridiculously attractive and helpful. After a not long enough sleep, I looked out the window to see this.
This made me feel so much better about flying. So beautiful! AFter one more layover in Hong Kong, we flew into Wuhan, China. That airport was not terribly pleasant. It was so hot outside, and it smelled like toilets. Like Chinese toilets, I mean (which actually smell a lot like American public toilets, unsurprisingly. We were so happy to see Professor Sun, a familiar face, here to take care of us far away from home. The first thing I noticed about China was the traffic. You haven't seen crazy traffic until you go to Wuhan (though I hear other developing countries are pretty frightening too.). There were buses everywhere, and lots of taxis (that weren't yellow) and cars. And they drove side by side, no matter where the lane markers were. People don't check their blind spots before moving over, and they don't use their blinkers. They would honk and go where they wanted to go. Absolutely nuts! We earned stares from all the buses passing by. Let's face it, we stood out. Soon we were at our hotel, which I thought I could live in for two weeks with little trouble (even if the bathroom doors were frosted glass).
That night, we went to a concert of the Hubei Symphony Orchestra, and it was phenomenal, but we could not stay awake. Nobody from our group made it through the whole program awake. It was a little embarrassing, as we were distinguished guests and all. But what could they really expect? One little boy there was apparently pointing and laughing at us. I can't blame him. Here's the concert hall where the program was, and where we would later join the orchestra for a performance.
The first e-mail I sent home went like this:
"My first impression of China is thus:
It stinks.
It's loud.
People's driving is terrifying, especially for pedestrians.
There's lots and lots of construction (buildings are being torn down and replaced everywhere to accomplish plans for a new Wuhan).
It doesn't feel awfully foreign (yet).
The women dress much better than American women, in modesty, style, and overall put-togetherness.
The flight attendants are all female, extremely thin, and wear polished hairstyles and ridiculous amounts of makeup.
The buildings all look shabby and dirty.
This is for Michelle: Facebook is blocked.
The streets look shabby and dirty.
The people do not look shabby and dirty.
The food is very very good at the opera/dance/symphony company headquarters where we eat, and they serve more food than we can all consume.
The Chinese people are curious, friendly, and eager to please.
That's all I can think of at the moment.
Our hotel is quite nice, but it still smells like China (or at least like Wuhan)."
Here's a pollution encrusted plant we found at the bank.
In other news, I got a new car! Well, it's a 2008, so not really new, but still new to me. It's a cherry red Chevy Cobalt. I am loving it! I haven't taken pictures except on my phone, so you'll have to wait on that one.
And in other other news, here's an update on things with the cute and handsome boy. Well, he isn't talking to me. At all. All my letters, e-mails, and even chats have gone unanswered for the last month or so. It really feels like I'm talking to a wall. I don't really know exactly why, but I have a few guesses, and I'm sure it's due to a number of things. However, I still feel good about the situation, which makes no sense. I was feeling really frustrated and hurt and other lovely things like that not too long ago, and I prayed about what I should do. My answer was that I needed to have faith that my Heavenly Father was aware of the situation and would take care of it. Since then, not only have I felt the burden of trying to make it work taken from me, but I have felt positive feelings and good memories when I think about the boy, whereas before I could not see past the difficulties. So, the situation is on hold, and I don't have to make myself crazy doing everything I can think of to try and get the boy to talk to me. My Father knows what to do, and I don't, and He will take care of us both. And the troops are leaving Iraq by December 31 as originally promised after all (yay!), so I can at least hope they will all to to place that isn't quite as reminiscent of hell as the one they're at. I keep praying, and I hope you do too.
Stay tuned for more updates, stories about 10-year-olds, and China!
So, this summer I went to China! Instead of trying to give you a rundown of every single thing I did while I was there in one posting, I am going to tell you a couple of stories in each post. And these stories will include photos :)
On May 30, 2011, I, who have not really been outside of the Western United States, left (late) for China. A car took me to a shuttle which took me to the airport. After a long wait (security went WAY faster than we'd anticipated at the Vegas Airport), we got on our first flight to LA. I was really scared, as I had only flown once before, and my parents were in charge of my tickets and luggage then. I was more nervous to find that I didn't sit by any people from my group. Somehow, I successfully found my seat, where an Asian couple helped me stow my violin in the overhead bin. The flight was mercifully short, and after a last minute terminal change, we boarded our international flight in LA. The flight was delayed because they had to change our flight path because of a volcano en route (they didn't specify where) so they also had to get rid of some cargo so they could fit more fuel. Anyway, the flight ended up being somewhere around 15 hours. Yes, it was about as horrible as it sounds. I did get a window seat, however, and was sitting by one of the senior members from our group. (Boys, don't read the following- 15 hour flights and periods DO NOT get along well. At all. That's all.) They had a good selection of movies and games and TV and the food was decent, and the Asian flight attendants were ridiculously attractive and helpful. After a not long enough sleep, I looked out the window to see this.
This made me feel so much better about flying. So beautiful! AFter one more layover in Hong Kong, we flew into Wuhan, China. That airport was not terribly pleasant. It was so hot outside, and it smelled like toilets. Like Chinese toilets, I mean (which actually smell a lot like American public toilets, unsurprisingly. We were so happy to see Professor Sun, a familiar face, here to take care of us far away from home. The first thing I noticed about China was the traffic. You haven't seen crazy traffic until you go to Wuhan (though I hear other developing countries are pretty frightening too.). There were buses everywhere, and lots of taxis (that weren't yellow) and cars. And they drove side by side, no matter where the lane markers were. People don't check their blind spots before moving over, and they don't use their blinkers. They would honk and go where they wanted to go. Absolutely nuts! We earned stares from all the buses passing by. Let's face it, we stood out. Soon we were at our hotel, which I thought I could live in for two weeks with little trouble (even if the bathroom doors were frosted glass).
That night, we went to a concert of the Hubei Symphony Orchestra, and it was phenomenal, but we could not stay awake. Nobody from our group made it through the whole program awake. It was a little embarrassing, as we were distinguished guests and all. But what could they really expect? One little boy there was apparently pointing and laughing at us. I can't blame him. Here's the concert hall where the program was, and where we would later join the orchestra for a performance.
The first e-mail I sent home went like this:
"My first impression of China is thus:
It stinks.
It's loud.
People's driving is terrifying, especially for pedestrians.
There's lots and lots of construction (buildings are being torn down and replaced everywhere to accomplish plans for a new Wuhan).
It doesn't feel awfully foreign (yet).
The women dress much better than American women, in modesty, style, and overall put-togetherness.
The flight attendants are all female, extremely thin, and wear polished hairstyles and ridiculous amounts of makeup.
The buildings all look shabby and dirty.
This is for Michelle: Facebook is blocked.
The streets look shabby and dirty.
The people do not look shabby and dirty.
The food is very very good at the opera/dance/symphony company headquarters where we eat, and they serve more food than we can all consume.
The Chinese people are curious, friendly, and eager to please.
That's all I can think of at the moment.
Our hotel is quite nice, but it still smells like China (or at least like Wuhan)."
Here's a pollution encrusted plant we found at the bank.
This was a common sight- most people don't own dryers, so they hang their clothes out to dry. By the way, this apartment building was considered to be pretty nice housing. (P.S., to see my nice artistic China pictures, visit my Flickr photostream, accessible on my sidebar.)
Well, that's enough of China for today. Onto the rest of my life!
I moved out to an apartment really close to campus. For now I have my own bedroom (with a loft and a back entrance with a little balcony/deck thing) and bathroom, but once my Chinese friend Clara gets here, she'll be sharing with me. I have 4 other housemates, 2 of which I have only seen a couple times since living here. The other two are college freshmen, and they're cute, and friendly for the most part. I do a lot of cleaning up after the girls (not positive which ones leave the messes) but it has been better lately.
I got a job teaching 5th grade orchestra at Three Peaks, Iron Springs, Enoch, and Fiddlers' Elementaries. I am having a blast! The kids are so much fun, and it's been a positive challenge in my life. One of my classes is really quirky. One day I was trying to get them to call me Miss Grafelman instead of Mrs., and one boy said "you're not married? That's too bad," and then started talking with his neighbor about single cousins I could go out with. Pretty funny. Another day, the same boy said, "you know, it's kind of weird that you're 23 and not married. You should go on a date or something." They figured out how old I was because I told them I started playing the violin in 5th grade, and then a couple classes later they asked how many years I had been playing. Some of my students are quirky in a much more frustrating way, and I have excused one kid from class on two separate occasions, but I haven't totally lost it yet, so I think I'm doing alright.
My little sister Emilie got married! It's kind of strange still to me, but not as strange as some people think I should think it is. I took her bridals beforehand, and here are some of my favorites:
We had fun. The day of the wedding was also really fun. I was a bridesmaid, so I got to be all dressed up, which is always fun. A lot of my family was there and it was good to see them and chat a little. In case you're wondering how much fun it was, this picture should give you a good idea.
I am sure my mom remembers what we were discussing. whatever it was, it had us all laughing pretty hard.
Over general conference weekend, my friend Sam and I went up into Cedar Canyon for a little autumn photoshoot. We found some pretty amazing scenes! Just look to my Flickr sidebar for those photos. We saw this crazy caterpillar up high in a tree, and we really wanted to take its picture. So, we (meaning Sam) got in the tree to try and pull the branch off that it was on. Instead, the caterpillar fell to the ground, which actually made things easier for us. But the dry dead ground didn't make a very good background for our cute fuzzy friend, so we (meaning Sam) coaxed the thumb-sized creature onto a pretty maple leaf. And there we got its picture. And then we (meaning Sam) decided take it home in a lunchbox. This is where we discovered that that tiny little creature can really book it! Watch this person's video and you'll see what I mean.
In other news, I got a new car! Well, it's a 2008, so not really new, but still new to me. It's a cherry red Chevy Cobalt. I am loving it! I haven't taken pictures except on my phone, so you'll have to wait on that one.
And in other other news, here's an update on things with the cute and handsome boy. Well, he isn't talking to me. At all. All my letters, e-mails, and even chats have gone unanswered for the last month or so. It really feels like I'm talking to a wall. I don't really know exactly why, but I have a few guesses, and I'm sure it's due to a number of things. However, I still feel good about the situation, which makes no sense. I was feeling really frustrated and hurt and other lovely things like that not too long ago, and I prayed about what I should do. My answer was that I needed to have faith that my Heavenly Father was aware of the situation and would take care of it. Since then, not only have I felt the burden of trying to make it work taken from me, but I have felt positive feelings and good memories when I think about the boy, whereas before I could not see past the difficulties. So, the situation is on hold, and I don't have to make myself crazy doing everything I can think of to try and get the boy to talk to me. My Father knows what to do, and I don't, and He will take care of us both. And the troops are leaving Iraq by December 31 as originally promised after all (yay!), so I can at least hope they will all to to place that isn't quite as reminiscent of hell as the one they're at. I keep praying, and I hope you do too.
Stay tuned for more updates, stories about 10-year-olds, and China!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I want a horse.
Hi!
Last weekend, my brother invited me to go to Snowflake AZ with him and his wife and her sister. At the last possible minute, I decided to go with them. It ended up being really fun, despite the sleep deprivation.
We left Friday late morning, and I was entertained the whole time just by the scenery out my window. I was first amazed at how much snow and water there still was in the canyon, and that Duck Creek was a swamp! I don't think I have ever seen so much water out there before. I didn't get any pictures of it unfortunately. I did take these once we got into the Arizona landscapes though:
We arrived at our destination after just over 7 hours. It was a long drive, but I was ok with it. At Taley's sister's house, I was re-introduced to her family. The only other time I had seen most of them was at the wedding in September. I really like them. They really do treat me just like I am a part of their family, so it's fun.
After dinner came the exciting part! Well, for me anyway. A big part of the reason why I was invited to go in the first place was because Taley found out how much I like horses. I have since I was pretty little. There used to be horses in a field pretty much across the street from my house (where there are now townhomes) and I loved to go feed them and pet them. It was probably my favorite summer activity, and I am pretty sure that my family and friends got awful tired of it! I also collected little plastic horses and read horse books, and my favorite movie was Black Beauty.
Anyway, we went to the fairgrounds to ride. I was kind of nervous, but I didn't want Dorito (a Gelding, I just learned) the horse to know that, so I practiced my performance nerve calming state of mind tactics. This horse is fairly new to Cresha (Taley's sister), and has a tendency to be a little pushy. "Great," I thought. Anyway, I was instructed on how to mount him (though I had ridden a horse once before, so this part I did know a wee bit about), and the silly creature kept trying to move away from me! Finally I just kind of made a jump for it and got in the saddle.
I then was given a crash course in riding (I wasn't given any instruction on my ride in high school, and was on a very docile old mare then) and was off to the arena.
I had trouble getting the silly beast to go in the fenced area we were aiming for, but Cresha helped lead him in (she rode the pony). We went around once, no problem. But when we got the the fence opening again, Dorito decided it would be a good idea to go out. I tried to lead him back in, but he just kept going out. I tried pulling the reins to stop him and turning them in the direction of the arena, but he just wouldn't listen. He started getting kind of jumpy and, I would imagine, frustrated because I didn't really know what to do, but I managed to stay calm. I could feel him starting to hop a little, and the kids said he nearly bucked, but I tried to just talk to him and keep him in some semblance of control. Somehow, he did eventually calm down, and Cresha got him turned back in the right direction for me.
After that, it was pretty easy. And I had a blast through the whole experience. And now I have decided that I want to marry a man who knows at least enough about horses that we can own some :) Oh, Carl wouldn't ride Dorito, but he did ride the pony (sorry about the bad picture). He looked pretty funny!
The next day, the family went to the Snowflake Temple. I went along and walked around the grounds and took some pictures. It got really windy, so I mostly sat in the back to hide from the wind. It was pretty regardless though, and I did get some good pictures (after fighting with my camera's focus, which I swear sometimes is broken).
That evening, we went to the field where the horses stay, because Cresha was trying out a new horse. It was here that I really fell in love. With a horse. He was 3 years old, and tall, and gentle, and gorgeous! Unfortunately, he had already been sold for 6K. Anyhow, I had fun texting Michelle that I was bringing him home. I didn't get any pictures of him, but he looked something like this, but with less black in his coat and on his legs:
That night we (meaning me and Cresha and her family, since I was the only one staying with them) had an ice cream adventure. It involved going to several places to get ice cream that ended up being either closed or out of ice cream, and lots of laughs. I am not a great storyteller, so I will skip the details, but it was very fun.
Sunday morning we went to church and came home. There were some really cool clouds on the way:
And we made a dam stop (sorry, couldn't help it) where I got this photo (and later played with its coloring, a lot.).
The end!
Last weekend, my brother invited me to go to Snowflake AZ with him and his wife and her sister. At the last possible minute, I decided to go with them. It ended up being really fun, despite the sleep deprivation.
We left Friday late morning, and I was entertained the whole time just by the scenery out my window. I was first amazed at how much snow and water there still was in the canyon, and that Duck Creek was a swamp! I don't think I have ever seen so much water out there before. I didn't get any pictures of it unfortunately. I did take these once we got into the Arizona landscapes though:
We arrived at our destination after just over 7 hours. It was a long drive, but I was ok with it. At Taley's sister's house, I was re-introduced to her family. The only other time I had seen most of them was at the wedding in September. I really like them. They really do treat me just like I am a part of their family, so it's fun.
After dinner came the exciting part! Well, for me anyway. A big part of the reason why I was invited to go in the first place was because Taley found out how much I like horses. I have since I was pretty little. There used to be horses in a field pretty much across the street from my house (where there are now townhomes) and I loved to go feed them and pet them. It was probably my favorite summer activity, and I am pretty sure that my family and friends got awful tired of it! I also collected little plastic horses and read horse books, and my favorite movie was Black Beauty.
Anyway, we went to the fairgrounds to ride. I was kind of nervous, but I didn't want Dorito (a Gelding, I just learned) the horse to know that, so I practiced my performance nerve calming state of mind tactics. This horse is fairly new to Cresha (Taley's sister), and has a tendency to be a little pushy. "Great," I thought. Anyway, I was instructed on how to mount him (though I had ridden a horse once before, so this part I did know a wee bit about), and the silly creature kept trying to move away from me! Finally I just kind of made a jump for it and got in the saddle.
I then was given a crash course in riding (I wasn't given any instruction on my ride in high school, and was on a very docile old mare then) and was off to the arena.
I had trouble getting the silly beast to go in the fenced area we were aiming for, but Cresha helped lead him in (she rode the pony). We went around once, no problem. But when we got the the fence opening again, Dorito decided it would be a good idea to go out. I tried to lead him back in, but he just kept going out. I tried pulling the reins to stop him and turning them in the direction of the arena, but he just wouldn't listen. He started getting kind of jumpy and, I would imagine, frustrated because I didn't really know what to do, but I managed to stay calm. I could feel him starting to hop a little, and the kids said he nearly bucked, but I tried to just talk to him and keep him in some semblance of control. Somehow, he did eventually calm down, and Cresha got him turned back in the right direction for me.
After that, it was pretty easy. And I had a blast through the whole experience. And now I have decided that I want to marry a man who knows at least enough about horses that we can own some :) Oh, Carl wouldn't ride Dorito, but he did ride the pony (sorry about the bad picture). He looked pretty funny!
The next day, the family went to the Snowflake Temple. I went along and walked around the grounds and took some pictures. It got really windy, so I mostly sat in the back to hide from the wind. It was pretty regardless though, and I did get some good pictures (after fighting with my camera's focus, which I swear sometimes is broken).
That evening, we went to the field where the horses stay, because Cresha was trying out a new horse. It was here that I really fell in love. With a horse. He was 3 years old, and tall, and gentle, and gorgeous! Unfortunately, he had already been sold for 6K. Anyhow, I had fun texting Michelle that I was bringing him home. I didn't get any pictures of him, but he looked something like this, but with less black in his coat and on his legs:
That night we (meaning me and Cresha and her family, since I was the only one staying with them) had an ice cream adventure. It involved going to several places to get ice cream that ended up being either closed or out of ice cream, and lots of laughs. I am not a great storyteller, so I will skip the details, but it was very fun.
Sunday morning we went to church and came home. There were some really cool clouds on the way:
And we made a dam stop (sorry, couldn't help it) where I got this photo (and later played with its coloring, a lot.).
The end!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Happy Birthday!
First, I thought I would show you some of the prom pictures I told you about last time. I am only posting some of the better ones, just because I don't want to bring back bad memories :)
Last weekend I went to Orem. We (my mom and I) left and Friday and spent a rather boring night at my brother's house. His boxer puppy was rather entertaining, however. I have always wanted one, and now I want one even more so! On Saturday morning, we went flower shopping with the newlyweds. It was fun, since my sister-in-law hasn't had her own garden before and was excited to plant her flowers. It took this photo at Lowe's of one of the fine specimens:
Next, we went with Emilie to get a wedding dress. It really was not the most fun experience of my life admittedly, as it involved a lot of waiting around, watching girls scrutinize themselves in gowns, and wishing I was in their shoes. After a couple long hours and a very helpful sales lady, Emilie did get the dress she wanted ordered.
After that ordeal, Emilie and her fiance, and my mom and I went to Thanksgiving Point. The object was to get more engagement photos of the two, which did happen, but of course I couldn't resist taking photos of everything else around us and stalking the booth vendors to see if they had Etsy shops (3 of them did).
(in a small town called Forks...)
After this, we had some Costa Vida for dinner, and my mom and I headed back home. Terribly exciting, I know!
Some time during the week, I took this photo that I was very happy with! I love Lightroom and all the tricks I can do with it, by the way :)
I celebrated my 23rd birthday on Wednesday in pretty grand fashion! I went out to lunch at the Thai restaurant with my mom, and then we went to Wal-Mart and did a little shopping. My mom bought me the movie Tron as a birthday gift :) I really love the movie! I am a nerd, yes. After that, I taught my students, then performed with my quintet. To end the day, I had angel food cake with strawberries and cream, with my family and a bunch of teenagers. And then I watched Tron by myself and made some jewelry and started a sale in my Etsy shop.
The real excitement happened on Thursday. My mom, Michelle, John and I went to Las Vegas! We first visited the Ferrari store at the Wynn, and then did some unfruitful shopping at Victoria's Secret. It was pretty fun!
We had pizza for dinner, and my aunt gave me my birthday present. It was a lot of practical stuff for my China trip, such as a water bottle holder and anti-diarrheal medicine. It was funny.
After our wonderful pizza dinner, we went swimming. Michelle and I are so silly sometimes! We have been visiting my aunt in Vegas since we were little, and we would do things like syncronized swimming, the game shark and dolphins (though we can't even remember what the object of the game was), and other silly things. You would think we would have grown out of these antics, but no! We played with fun noodles. We pretended they were seahorses and that we were racing them. It was so very silly, and oh so much fun! Not to mention great exercise.
After swimming, my aunt surprised me with a cake! I was amused to find that it was an angel food cake, and that she had strawberries and ice cream to go with it.
On Friday, we went to the Bellagio in the morning, where I got several fun photos!
This last one was really fun to process. I did a little editing in Lightroom first, and then I pulled it up in Gimp and put on a texture I found on Deviantart.com. What do you think?
Next, we went to the forum shops at Caesar's Palace and got lost. It's really a fun place:
It's funny, I know a lot of people HATE going to Vegas. Crowds. Sleeve. Dirt. Foreign languages. But I think it's so fun! Minus the sleeze. Their is such great diversity and energy there. I love seeing all the different people.
That basically ended our Vegas adventures. One of those days I got some new shoes for my China trip. But I don't really remember how that fit in. I'm a bit tired right now. Silly insomnia!
Then we took my grandma back to her house in Ely, which I am sure she was happy for. The most exciting that happened during that time was getting stuck in construction in the Nevada desert.
The rest of the time in Ely was spent watching Say Yes to the Dress, listening to my great aunt complain about her TV (no, it's not dim, you're just blind) and her chair, and telling my grandma that she was taking her medicine right. Oh, how I dread getting old at times!
So now I'm 23 and I don't feel any different than I did at 17, really. I'm wonder if that will ever change.
Oh, lastly, you should really read this post on my Creations blog. You'll be sad if you don't I think. I promise this is the last time I will pester you about!
That's all :)
Last weekend I went to Orem. We (my mom and I) left and Friday and spent a rather boring night at my brother's house. His boxer puppy was rather entertaining, however. I have always wanted one, and now I want one even more so! On Saturday morning, we went flower shopping with the newlyweds. It was fun, since my sister-in-law hasn't had her own garden before and was excited to plant her flowers. It took this photo at Lowe's of one of the fine specimens:
Next, we went with Emilie to get a wedding dress. It really was not the most fun experience of my life admittedly, as it involved a lot of waiting around, watching girls scrutinize themselves in gowns, and wishing I was in their shoes. After a couple long hours and a very helpful sales lady, Emilie did get the dress she wanted ordered.
After that ordeal, Emilie and her fiance, and my mom and I went to Thanksgiving Point. The object was to get more engagement photos of the two, which did happen, but of course I couldn't resist taking photos of everything else around us and stalking the booth vendors to see if they had Etsy shops (3 of them did).
(in a small town called Forks...)
Some time during the week, I took this photo that I was very happy with! I love Lightroom and all the tricks I can do with it, by the way :)
I celebrated my 23rd birthday on Wednesday in pretty grand fashion! I went out to lunch at the Thai restaurant with my mom, and then we went to Wal-Mart and did a little shopping. My mom bought me the movie Tron as a birthday gift :) I really love the movie! I am a nerd, yes. After that, I taught my students, then performed with my quintet. To end the day, I had angel food cake with strawberries and cream, with my family and a bunch of teenagers. And then I watched Tron by myself and made some jewelry and started a sale in my Etsy shop.
The real excitement happened on Thursday. My mom, Michelle, John and I went to Las Vegas! We first visited the Ferrari store at the Wynn, and then did some unfruitful shopping at Victoria's Secret. It was pretty fun!
We had pizza for dinner, and my aunt gave me my birthday present. It was a lot of practical stuff for my China trip, such as a water bottle holder and anti-diarrheal medicine. It was funny.
After our wonderful pizza dinner, we went swimming. Michelle and I are so silly sometimes! We have been visiting my aunt in Vegas since we were little, and we would do things like syncronized swimming, the game shark and dolphins (though we can't even remember what the object of the game was), and other silly things. You would think we would have grown out of these antics, but no! We played with fun noodles. We pretended they were seahorses and that we were racing them. It was so very silly, and oh so much fun! Not to mention great exercise.
After swimming, my aunt surprised me with a cake! I was amused to find that it was an angel food cake, and that she had strawberries and ice cream to go with it.
On Friday, we went to the Bellagio in the morning, where I got several fun photos!
This last one was really fun to process. I did a little editing in Lightroom first, and then I pulled it up in Gimp and put on a texture I found on Deviantart.com. What do you think?Next, we went to the forum shops at Caesar's Palace and got lost. It's really a fun place:
It's funny, I know a lot of people HATE going to Vegas. Crowds. Sleeve. Dirt. Foreign languages. But I think it's so fun! Minus the sleeze. Their is such great diversity and energy there. I love seeing all the different people.
That basically ended our Vegas adventures. One of those days I got some new shoes for my China trip. But I don't really remember how that fit in. I'm a bit tired right now. Silly insomnia!
Then we took my grandma back to her house in Ely, which I am sure she was happy for. The most exciting that happened during that time was getting stuck in construction in the Nevada desert.
The rest of the time in Ely was spent watching Say Yes to the Dress, listening to my great aunt complain about her TV (no, it's not dim, you're just blind) and her chair, and telling my grandma that she was taking her medicine right. Oh, how I dread getting old at times!
So now I'm 23 and I don't feel any different than I did at 17, really. I'm wonder if that will ever change.
Oh, lastly, you should really read this post on my Creations blog. You'll be sad if you don't I think. I promise this is the last time I will pester you about!
That's all :)
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