Hello! You my be wondering what's been going on in my life since my last posting, since it's been so long since I last posted. Unfortunately, I have nothing terribly exciting to report (actually, I am not entirely sure how unfortunate that is!). I sleep, eat, work, eat again, and in the evenings I either hang out with my roommates, go visit people in my ward, listen to missionary discussions, go to a concert or rehearsal, or go on a date. It's a very rare thing when I find myself with free time before 8:30 during the week. It can be exhausting quite honestly, but it's also very exciting. For a little while after my last post, I kind of felt like my life had no purpose or direction, and that I wasn't making a difference in the world. I knew that couldn't possibly be the truth about my life, so I prayed to find my direction and to somehow, in small small way, make the world a slightly brighter place. The pieces of the puzzle that is my life are starting to come together, and I've felt peace once again. I will share with you the source of that peace, but as this is one of my musings, I'm afraid you'll have to endure the entire thought process before you get the conclusion :)
I have come to realize that I have developed quite a few fears over the years. Some of them are not terribly unique- dolls, needles, puncture wounds, the occasional claustrophobia, losing my mom, about four fears involving relationships- and then there's my seemingly random fear of moths. Some fears are more serious, and I battle them regularly. I described one of those fears in this posting a few months ago. I was once talking to a friend about some of these fears, and shortly thereafter ran into this scripture:
". . . perfect love casteth out all fear." -Mosiah 8:16
I pondered on this discovery, and I thought "what is perfect love?" I came to the conclusion that perfect love is the love of Christ (see Moroni 7:47). He suffered for my sins and sorrows and pains because He loves me perfectly. He suffered for your sins and sorrows and pains because He loves you perfectly. I realize this information isn't completely new or particularly profound, but it has given me a fresh outlook that I have been so in need of. I had (silly as it may be) not thought to turn to Christ to "cast out" my fears. To overcome them temporarily, yes, but I thought I could cast them out on my own. How wrong that thinking was!
I really do stand all amazed at the love of my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I see my Father's hand in my life, and really am constantly amazed that I am where I am today. I would be so lost without my Father's guidance, and I know it is because he loves me and wants and knows what is best for me that I have been led to where I am now. I know He is always watching out for me. When I ask for His help, I can get through every day and even enjoy all the things I have going on. Where it not for His help, I am sure I was be exhausted and ornery constantly. I know He is mindful of me because He has given me blessings and promptings I haven't asked for. He knows what I need and has always led me to the right people, the right places at the right times. Or steered away from things I, in my stubborn little mind, thought were right. I never doubt that God is real and that He loves me, and I am so grateful for that knowledge!
Thanks for reading :) Have a great week!
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