A Spazzoid Update

Well, one of these days I will get to some of my more exciting summer adventures. But that day is not today. Sorry! Part of the problem is that my computer won't connect to my parents' internet, so it's hard to upload pictures. But today I am going to skip my summer catching up and describe the now.

The biggest news I have to share is this. . . Go check out my Etsy shop! I have most of my necklace designs up and a few of my better photo prints. So, go look! And tell your friends to look! It's the only way I can get the word out about my little shop. www.etsy.com/shop/HeatherRaesCreations You can also follow my blog for updates on things I have made, parties I have hosted, and on occasion, some tips on making jewelry.

I am playing in the community orchestra. On the first day back to rehearsal, people are excited to catch up after the off season. Of course, the first thing they ask me is "Are you in school?" After I tell them I have graduated, they ask one of two questions. Can you guess? If not, let me give you a clue. Usually they ask "What are you doing now?" and sometimes they skip right to "Are you dating anyone?". I know they mean well and are curious and just want me to be happy and such, but it sort of bothers me that people just want me to get married. Not that I am against marriage at all. It's just that there is a lot more to me than my dating life, and I am involved in several interesting things that make me happy, but nobody even asks what else I may be doing after the dating question. But now you will know!

I am playing in a quintet that was started last fall. We had some problems getting a cellist, but now we have a very talented one. The music is top notch. It's the Shostakovich Piano Quintet. I have blogged about this before, but it's just so much fun to make music with people who love being able to make music, and who are dedicated to putting out a good performance. It's almost always the highlight of my week, and that's a positive thing!

Despite the nosy, out of practice musicians on the community orchestra,
(all of whom I still enjoy seeing every week) I really enjoy playing there. I feel like I get to expand my skills while helping out the group in a small way. And that feels good.

I enjoy making my jewelry and working on my photography skills. I have lots of ideas for photos that I need to figure out how to actually do, because they would be really cool. Hopefully with some trial and error (and a cheap pedestal) you will see some of those ideas come to fruition.

I have a great bunch of students. I can say that all but a couple put in their very best efforts to learn. They have great parents and families and I love being a part of their learning process.

I hang out with my family and watch movies with them a lot. It's always a good time. They are my best friends. I have some good friends my age too and am starting to become a part of a good social circle. Life's good!

Also, I have committed to go to China with OSU in the summer. I am excited for a great adventure! (This, by the way, gives me more reason to get word about my etsy shop out there! Every little bit will help.)

So now you know.

Summer Adventures! Yay!

I will give you a really quick rundown of my summer, then a few more details about California and Carl's wedding!

To start off my summer, I went to my friend Mandy's wedding reception. It was beautiful. Unfortunately, I don't have access to the picture I took there. Once I get it, I will post it!

I went on several very fun photo adventures. I went to Cathedral Gorge, and several places up Cedar Canyon, where I was for the most part, lost. Here are a few photos that came of those adventures for your enjoyment:







I went to Zion with my family once in the beginning of summer. Here are some photos from that adventure:





Michelle and I took some cute pictures with umbrellas in the rain. They weren't quite what I had in mind, but with a little editing, they were pretty fun. I also got a good, and rather moving shot of a Veitnam soldier statue. More pictures!







(P.S., as always, there are more where these came from on my Flickr account.)

Next (I think) I spent some time in Orem to go to my friend Megan's wedding reception. It was beauitful, with the pink and black decorations, low lights, and candles on the tables. She was very happy and excited and seemed to be having a blast at her reception. Her husband was so nice and didn't shove cake in her face, but she did it to him! And he looked super embarrassed at the garter part, ha ha. Here we are:



The next day, we went to Thanksgiving Pointe. I hadn't met Carl's fiance yet, so she came along. Here are some pictures I took there:







I went on a really fun campout with some of my friends for girls' night near Navajo Lake. I can't even think about giving you those details! Just kidding, mostly we just played games and did a little hiking. As with last year's campout, I came home desperately wanting a dog! Photos:





After that trip to Orem, I started my summer math class. It was a pain, but I got an A! My teacher let me miss a whole week of class to go to Disneyland with my family, which is basically unthinkable. I did go back to Orem the weekend of the 24th of July to help with some engagement photos (which was pointless in the end, but I don't regret going). I went on a date with an old friend, which was pretty fun. Next time I blog, you will get to hear all about my grand adventures in California!

People Come, People Go

The last couple days, I had the opportunity to go to my home stake’s conference. I don’t usually go to them, but this one was of particular importance to me. My stake president is moving so work for the Church in Salt Lake and was released today. He and his wife Becky were both very special people in my life. So instead of telling you about my summer adventures, I am going to go back in time almost a decade and tell you the influence these people have had on my life.

I was, as most people were, a rather awkward teenager. I have always had a different sort of personality and it was hard for me to feel accepted when I was younger. I had some friends but I still never felt like I totally fit in. From when I was about the ages 14-16, I had Mark and Becky as my Bishop and young women’s leader.

Becky was an incredible leader. She had fun with us at activities, and she accepted us, awkward teenagers that we were, she cared about the goings on in our lives, she listened and understood, and she taught some incredible lessons. The following are a few of my favorite memories with her.

I guess the first thing I should mention are the things she taught me in class. She is really a good and talented teacher. I remember two lessons in particular very distinctly. One of those was about dating, particularly about the not-a-date. I was too young to date at the time, as were all the girls in the group, but it was a popular thing to “hang out” one on one and get by with calling it that and not a date. She brought in a rose and asked “what is this?” We, of course, said “it’s a rose”. She said “no, it’s not. It looks like a rose, it smells like a rose, it feels like a rose, but it’s not a rose.” We were perplexed for a little while, but then she related it to dates and gave examples of things boys and girls would do together that looked like dates, smelled like dates, felt like dates, and needed to be recognized as dates. I am sure that lesson stuck with other girls as it did me. Even my sisters knew the principles and recognized “not-a-dates” for what they were, for themselves and their friends.

The other lesson she taught me was one of the most beautiful of my life. It was about repentance. I had had this lesson many times over, talking about the steps of repentance and such. But I sometimes worried “what about the things that already happened that I’ve done? Things I shouldn’t have, but can’t now talk to the person about, or things I can’t even remember doing? I know I have done more wrong than I remember.” Becky taught this lesson in a different way. She taught that repentance wasn’t a series of steps to go through all the time, but it was “to turn”. She taught that it meant you had been a changed person. You felt bad about things you had done and wouldn’t do them again. Of course, she wasn’t implying that you can always just say “Oh, I’m a changed person, so I’m good.” There are certainly times where you need to take steps to be forgiven, however, it is the change of heart that’s truly important. She talked about the Savior and how he suffered and died to make it possible for us to seek out a change of heart and be clean again. What a beautiful lesson it was, and what hope it brought to my life.

Aside from all the many wonderful lessons she gave, I have so many good memories. She and Brittney and Sheralee and I were kind of a little group of great friends. We had fun at every mutual activity together. But here are my two favorite memories that involved the four of us.

One youth conference when I was (I think) 14, we went to up north to Mt. Timpanogos. The drive up was fun, and then we made the long, steep climb to Timpanogos Cave. It kicked my butt. But Becky was sure to keep my tired, non-athletic spirits up. The cave was quite beautiful and I enjoyed it. Then we had to climb back down, and she was there again to keep me and everyone else and keep everyone (me) included. We sat and ate lunch together after the walk (me, Brittney, Becky and Sheralee) and made bundles. I have no idea why they were so fun. We just pulled long pieces of long grass, tied them together with a really long piece of grass and called them bundles (which I think Sheralee decided to call them). Oh, so much fun. I really felt so loved that day.

After the day’s events, we stayed at one of the Eastmond’s relatives’ house. It was fun. We had the basement to ourselves, and we (Mark, Becky, Brittney, Sheralee, and maybe Jacie?) watched Father of the Bride II together. It was a great night, and so fun to stay with them. The drive home was also very fun. We (Jacie started it in this case) pretended to be asleep with our faces squished oddly against the windows to see what passing vehicle passengers would do. Good fun.



When we were a little older, a me and Sheralee and Brittney made a special dinner for Becky’s birthday. We found someone to babysit their children, set their table nice, found our best dishes and candles and who knows what else, put together good music, and even found out Becky’s favorite dessert (which happened to be a sort of ice cream that I, unfortunately, don’t remember). Mark knew, of course, but Becky was surprised by the meal and everything, and I believe it meant a lot to her.
Those are the most outstanding memories I have with her. Now for Mark. What an incredible man. I don’t have quite the stories with him as I do with Becky, but he has impacted me no less than she did. As my bishop, I remember always feeling that he loved me and cared about me. He taught me about being happy forever, about being clean so I could marry in the temple. He always addressed me as “friend” which made me feel special. I came to think, and still do think, that looking into his eyes was the closest thing I would find on earth to looking into my Savior’s eyes. When he was released from the bishopric and called as stake president, everyone, I, was very sad. But the memories didn’t end there.

My junior year in high school I was called to the stake youth council. For our training meeting, he taught an unforgettable lesson. It was about the lower lights, from the hymn Brightly Beams Our Father’s Mercy. Here are the words:
V1: Brightly beams our Father’s mercy from his lighthouse evermore, but to us he gives the keeping of the lights along the shore. V2: Dark the night of sin has settled; loud the angry billows roar. Eager eyes are watching, longing, for the lights along the shore. V3: Trim your feeble lamp, my brother; some poor sailor, tempest-tossed, trying now to make the harbor, in the darkness may be lost. Chorus: Let the lower lights be burning; send a gleam across the wave. Some poor fainting, struggling sea-mean you may rescue, you may save. (Text and music by Philip Paul Bliss, 1838-1876)

There are so many lessons to draw from this hymn. But what he focused on was the lower lights. I didn’t even know what they were, so I shall enlighten you, dear blog reader, whoever you are, just in case you don’t know. The lighthouse’s main light shows ships where the shore is approximately. But the lower lights show the safe path, through the rocks and coral and waves and such, to get back to shore. To find the way, you follow the path where the lower and main lights line up. In the hymn, it says “Brightly beams our Father’s mercy from his lighthouse evermore. . .” The main light represents our Father’s mercy. We need to align our lives with him to find our way safely back home. But because he is so big and perfect, it can be hard to comprehend and relate to him. Thus the next line of the first verse “. . . to us he gives the keeping of the lights along the shore.” These are the lower lights. Who have the keeping of the lower lights? Obviously, people like the prophets, apostles, general authorities, stake presidents, bishops, young women’s leaders, etc. But they can be friends and family also. But more importantly, they can be me. We, I, have been given the keeping of the lights along the shore. I can be an example that helps people align themselves with our Father. And I do want that.

Senior Recital!

When I started playing the violin, I wanted to a be a professional soloist. Later on, I knew that wasn't really realistic, but I then I found out that music majors got to do a senior recital and I thought that sounded way fun! So I did become a music major, and I did my senior recital this Saturday. Lots of practicing, planning, and dreaming went into it, and it went almost as well as I had hoped it would.

That big nerve racking thing was that the entire week before my recital I was sick. My muscles were really weak and so I didn't practice more than a couple hours that week. Despite that difficulty, I was able to practice week this last week. In fact, my dress rehearsal was amazing! Bah! I wish I had recorded it, but that's ok.

This last Thursday, I started feeling ill like I had just a week before and on Friday I had a lot of the same symptoms so I was getting really worried that I would be sick for my recital. But I tried to eat well and get good rest and nutrients and all that good stuff, and I prayed for the faith to trust that I would be well for my recital, and voila! I was just a little bit dizzy, but not shaky or weak or nauseous, so I was relieved.

I wanted my recital to be extra special, so I did a little extra decorating to add that special touch.

The refreshment table, minus the cake

The program table, obviously

It was a little rough getting started, since nobody was available to do stage managing and my recordist canceled last minute. Fortunately, Mike Wallace stepped in to record and did the lights, and Dr. Bradshaw moved the piano when it was time, and Michelle gave the opening welcome speech. She delivered it very well, in fact. Then the recital went quite smoothly. I didn't make any horrible mistakes, but I still wished my last one went a little better. Oh well! At the end, I got a standing ovation starting with Jae, my former landlady. John came up to give me flowers and tried to run off stage fast, but I called to him and gave him a come hither look and gave him a hug.

Afterward, it was fun to see all the people who came to support me, and be with my family, and eat the food that me and others had worked hard to prepare and that Michelle and her friends put out for me. Here are some of the best photos of the people at the recital:

Colleen Dowse, high school orchestra teacher

Vicki and Jonathan Heaton, owners of Whittlestick's, and pretty much family.

David Armijo, one of my students, and a family friend

Chris and Kara Carter. Kara has been my friend since high school, and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.

Professor Sun, my violin teacher of six years.

Amanda Munford, friend, fellow violinist, newly returned missionary, and sister of my first violin teacher.

My long time student Linda and her three grandkids. The shy little girl is also my student.

My aunt Margaret. I do see the resemblance between us.

Heather Burton, good friend and fellow violinist. Also a returned missionary.

Brady and Jae Price, my most recent landlords. I would rent from them again if I had money.

Rhonda's mom. I honestly don't know her name, but she is very sweet.

Rhonda Shearer, a good friend and supporter.

Patty Walser, a great teacher in the community.

The whole fam! Including my aunt Peggy and Grandma.

Me and Em.

John. He tried to hug me so many times, the goof.

Well, that's the end of this blog! Tune in again later.

Gradumation and Stuff

Well, I guess the big news is that I graduated! Sort of. But I will get to that in a minute, because the best story of my blog will sound quite anticlimactic if I don’t back up a little.

After spring break, my body rebelled against my busy schedule. I had trouble sleeping, my stomach hurt, I had heartburn often, headaches, dizziness, trouble with short term memory, and I was cold a lot. So to make it through, I basically shut out everyone and everything. I could really only handle myself and my own problems. I visited my family a lot and they kept me smiling.

Anyway, because of all those things, I wasn’t exactly excelling in my classes. I had mostly music classes and my professors were very understanding and kind and helped me get through. My violin teacher, of course, was the most helpful and getting me through class and getting me ready for my recital and still giving me responsibilities and ways to help. But the person whose help meant the most to me was the department chair’s (and the teacher of one of my classes). He had every reason to believe that I was a slacker, being given unfair advantages, and other things people were saying I was, but for some reason, he trusted me and got me through the class. Not only that, but he covered for me when I was too late to have an accompanist at my recital, and sat on my preview committee so I would have enough members (this is not normally one of his jobs as department chair). If it hadn’t been for his incredible kindness I would not have made it. That is no exaggeration.

Those who know me know that I do not like being dependent on others, so although I did make it through the semester and was able to walk in graduation, I was feeling quite insignificant and unaccomplished and unremarkable and exhausted. Even at the graduation ceremony, where most of the graduates (looking quite ridiculous actually) were excited, relieved, and a multitude of other great feelings, I was really confused. I was happy to be there, but also very undeserving. However, I put my game face on though and let others be excited for me and celebrate with me.
Since I lived so close to the Centrum, my family and I walked to the ceremony.











These are tulips in a neighbor's yard that I took after graduation.

On the walk back to my apartment, we passed by my neighbor’s house. This neighbor has a beautiful yard (and house) and I had noticed before, but I had never seen the owner. At this moment he was outside doing some work. Now, I will paraphrase the little 30 second exchange the followed:

I said “we (meaning my family and I) like your flowers.”

He replied “I will give you one.”

I was taken by surprise, and still feeling rather insignificant and unremarkable, said in my most grateful voice “Oh no, it’s ok, they can stay in their place.” I didn’t see any reason why I should have some of his beautiful flowers.
He then said something like “It’s fine, let me get you one.”
He took a knife from his keys and cut not one, but three perfect pink tulips. I was standing approximately twenty feet away from him, and he walked over and handed them to me, and said “Congratulations.” I, of course, said “Thank you.”

I continued on my walk home with my flowers. I put them away and went to dinner with my family, which was good fun. I really love them so much. After dinner, I took pictures of my beautiful flowers, and realized just how much they meant to me. My neighbor’s simple kind gesture reminded me that I was loved, that I was special, and that I was of great worth. I know it sounds funny, but it really meant so much to me. I wondered if he was inspired to offer them, or even to be outside, or perhaps if he just had enough love in his heart to want to give his beautiful flowers to a perfect stranger. No matter what it was, I will always remember how special it made me feel.






I had graduation the next morning, and was able to attend it with much more cheerfulness. My family was there again, and I was happy for their support. I enjoyed being with all the excited music graduates and seeing my professors who had taught me so much. The ceremony ended all too soon, which sounds funny, but it meant one thing:

Time to move out.

Which equaled lots of packing and cleaning. It was NOT fun. My lovely mother helped a lot, and I mean A LOT. I got everything packed up, cleaned up, and got checked out of my apartment in about 5 hours. Then I went to the school to do my recital preview. That is where 3 faculty members listen to me perform my program and determine if I am ready to perform or not. It’s rather stressful. But after the day of cleaning, several bananas and some vitamin water, I felt good to go. I didn’t play anywhere near my best, but I did pass.

Oh, come to my recital on May 22, 7:30, Thorley Recital Hall, if you can!

It has been nice to be home again. I have enjoyed the free time. I can read again! It’s fantastic. During the semester I can’t read recreationally, because I try to read novels like they were text books. I have felt more like myself in general, since I haven’t had to block people out anymore. I have been able to be excited for my friends who are getting married, sympathize with my sister’s struggles, and I was even able to help a friend register for school. I know those things don’t sound very remarkable, but for the last two years I haven’t felt much like myself, and these small things assured me that I am still here!

The end.